Alcoholic, I'm on another bender,

But this ain't no Futurama.

There's so much drama,

I miss my Momma,

I'm so focused on my trauma,

It's so hard to repair.

Fixing myself, just take it one day at a time,

No im fine,

I'm in love with wine,

That ain't no crime

It's peace of mind.

No it's not.

Another day another struggle, another bottle down the drain.

I'm in pain,

I've gone insane,

There's no one left to blame.

I just hope it kills me while I'm young.

With a little brush

You marked my wrist

With your bottled scent.

Last night I slept

With my hand in my face

Because it smelt like you.

I can't help but to think

That like a cat you marked me

As your territory.

And last night was great,

Because it was the best sleep I've had

In many months.

Because my hand smelt like you.

This feels wrong

Something isn't right about the thing between you and I

Maybe because you remind me of her,

Maybe it's because you're with somebody.

We talk to each other everyday, all day.

About the big things, even the little things.

But we hide it, sneaking around.

Like we're in high-school.

You love him but you like me,

And it makes me so conflicted

Because I like you too.

And I don't know what to do.

I once met a girl and very quickly, I fell for her.

I thought she was beautiful, enigmatic, full of energy and just weird, and I liked that.

But I was just so timid and I'd get so nervous around her, I did eventually tell her I liked her.

Buuuut, I told her in my notebook, literally.

I wrote it down and showed it to her in paragraph form, today it absolutely shocks me she ever saw anything in me, but to my surprise she liked me back.

So she cheated on her boyfriend, and I lost my virginity in the backseat of his Toyota.

Good Ole 20 years old.

I'm 23 now, and me and her have since parted ways.

That was after I packed up all of my bags, and we moved to another state.

Beautiful Tennessee.

Her home.

With her family and all her friends.

With all her exes, too, and boy I sure met a lot of them.

But hey, one of them became a very good friend of mine.

Well, she eventually got back with her Ex from Texas, my neck of the desert, and I'm finding a new apartment.

This tore me the hell up, I started drinking heavily.

Very heavily.

What's a fifth of vodka? We were drinking damn near a gallon every day.

Let me tell ya, it's the worst dang hangover, you wanna know how I cured it?

I drank more.

And I drank more.

It got to the point where I didn't feel normal being sober.

Last year I lost my job at this plant I really liked.

I had worked there nearly a year, my personal record me being 23 and all.

Well, I didn't show up for 2 weeks, and they were very patient with me.

But, well, the course took its toll.

I wont mame any excuses for my actions, I'm lucky they waited 2 weeks.

Life goes on, I slowed down on my drinking, on my smoking.

I found a new job, Katz.

I liked it, and I wanted to be better for myself, for others around me.

I stuck to it, and I'm still here.

I made friends, I met a girl.

A girl who makes me nervous, a girl who makes me giggle.

A girl who makes bubbles in my chest.

They want to hire me, I admitted to my weed use.

It's my crucible, the thing that molds iron and steel.

This will mold me into a beautiful shape, sharpened or dull, shiny or full of slag.

I'm not a blacksmith. I'm a machine operator.

I've never been this anxious in my life.

Come Monday, either I'll be gone and lose all of my chances.

Or I'll remain, and be the happiest boy on planet Earth.

I am easily replaceable, but all I need is a chance.

Just one chance.

And given that chance? I won't let them down.

I swear that to myself. I deserve that for myself.

I've been working so hard for this, and I'm not willing to give it up.

A dark room without a flashlight.

I seek out the slightest of attention.

For nobody knows

That I even exist.

Please find me

I'm lost within the void.

It swallows me completely

Shit-stained litter,

Ammonia floods the air.

Windows sealed,

There's no air to breathe.

Gag deeply, release the feeling.

For my next paycheck

Will change your life.

I've got these metal mental chains

Holding me down by my wrists.

By my ankles, and throat.

All I can do is stare, watch.

Watching what happens next.

If anything happens at all.

All I can do is look, observe.

While my life burns to ash.

"So stubborn," I thought.

As tomorrow, I'll sleep in the dust

Of my old factory job.

Eviction notice on my door.

3 weeks pay due in 3 days.

No groceries, no gasoline.

Only addiction survives here.

The addiction of money.

For I have not enough

To keep myself alive.

Snapchat keeps reminding me

Of the photos and videos I recorded

Of the time we spent together.

And no matter how hard I try

Or how hard I cry

I just can't get you off my mind.

If only I was different long ago

Maybe we'd've made it through.

As long as my heart keeps beating

I'll always think of you.

Maybe it's because I'm lonely,

Perhaps it's where I live.

If loving you means nothing,

Why do I still persist?

There's a Ghost in my Phone

Reminding me of a different time.

And as I lose my shit,

You'll be sleeping fine.

And now I wonder why.

Why we had to fail.

But every day as I grow older

I become more thankful for this tale.

Without this pain I'd never grow,

Grow into a man.

You've been gone forever and I've been all alone.

That's helped me oh so dearly,

Figure out what's really important.

But it's still hard living with

This Ghost inside my phone.