I was not mentally healthy.
The biggest lie I have told is where I said my mental health was fine for about 5 years or so to my parents, and when I finally said it wasn't, it turned out that they have different opinions on how to deal with it. I then continued to deal with it without family support in that area for another 6 months, until I finally told them again that I had been dealing with it in my fashion and not theirs. It was the most stressful thing I have done to date, and far too big of a weight to be put on younger me's shoulders.
"It's unfortunate really. It seems your child has..."
"What?! My child does have something!! Tell me, now!"
"Yes, well... your child lacks a certain sense..."
"I knew it, I told you dear, she is blind! Oh god, what are we going to do?!?"
"Honey, don't worry, let the doctor finish speaking. It surely can't be that bad, right, Doctor?" Reassures the woman's husband, while glancing questioningly at the doctor.
"Ah, yes, she can see. But she has congenital insensitivity to pain. That is to say-"
"Oh god, our child's life is ruined! AHRrrAAhhhrr ah" sobs the hysterical mother.
"Doctor, please finish, what exactly is genital insense to pain?"
"Congenital insensitivity to pain, CIPA for short, is a syndrome that affects the ability to feel pain."
"So.. So our child won't ever feel pain? That doesn't sound too bad..." Whimpers the mother hopefully.
"I hate this part..." the doctor sighs to himself quietly, "Without the ability to feel pain, children will not learn to understand why they shouldn't undertake certain actions. They also won't cry or tell you when they are injured in any way since they won't realise. It can also lead to self-mutilation, as they find pain to be curious and not bad."
"..." blinks the mother, as she processes what was just said.
"WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" she screams, as she breaks down in tears.
Success and hopefully more in the future?
I actually did keep my goal for 2019, which was to feel at least one emotion, and know I felt it. For 2020 I guess having a goal of increasing the number of skills I have in general, such as cooking and cleaning would be a good idea. And also socializing.
From my point of view, even before I realised I was Omnisexual, I already thought that there was no point trying to control another persons emotions. Like, that has never worked out, at least not that I know of. So why try and control this? Just beceuase it is different to what others do, doesn't mean it is wrong. That would be like saying no one can be unique, which takes away individual free will as we all would have to make the same choice, and that just doesn't seem fun in any way.
So I am all for it, always have been, always will be.
Humans, Logan is one of them.
Today we shall learn,
About someone who is definitely human!
Has always had Autism Spectrum disorder,
Making him seem not human.
But he definitely is!
He is interested in reading, fantasy, and sci-fi,
Like plenty of other humans!
Writing too of course,
to help him understand others and let others understand him!
He is always watching others,
to learn how humans work.
He honestly just doesn't get them, but he tries his best!!
It might have taken him a few years to figure out what a friendly human is,
but he still did it!
Emotions and showing them, so so confusing.
Body language, tone of voice, what is this magic and how do I use it?
all questions our wonderful, definitely human, Logan asks.
He can feel, think, speak, just like anyone else.
Please remember of course, that he is human. Never say he is robotic or alien, or that he speaks like he isn't a human, or he might end up sad and cry...
Yes, Logan, definitely human!
A wonderful person, and human, indeed!
Good luck, I can relate.
Happiness is an emotion. It is next to impossible to explain what an emotion is like for one person and then compare it to another. The only thing we can do is see what made some others happy, then analyse your feelings in those situations and decide for yourself that that is most likely happiness.
The thing is with this and any other emotion, you can't describe it to others. Metaphors, physical sensations, the descriptions of certain situations. all good attempts, but none actually succeed. It's like trying to describe sight to a person who can't see, or sound to a person who can't hear. Completely impossible.
And this isn't for a lack of trying. I have been having trouble myself figuring out emotions for most of my life as well, and I still don't really know. I have in the end decided that certain sensations in my head that appear in certain situations are emotions. As long as I keep track of them, and also on every other part of my body and how it is acting, I will know what I am feeling when.
So I guess my advice about figuring out happiness is to decide what you want to be happy with, then say that you're always happy then? I honestly don't know beyond that.
The touch of his hand on mine, a clear deep red touch.
His fingers entwining over my own, the red gets deeper and deeper.
The touch of his lips on mine, a blossoming red, with hints of pink.
The taste of his lips waking you up, a loud booming noise that just doesn't stop.
Seeing him in all his tasty glory. The sight of his surgery brown hair.
Eyes a deep mint green, and pupils shining an absolute black, a taste of heat among all the sweetness surrounding them.
Even when he isn't there, the memories of him stay. Soft, silky, surrounding you as if you could drown in them. Flowing through you like a cool glass of quiet water.
What is beauty?
The complexity of something boggles the mind.
Attractiveness that drags the eye towards it.
Boredom never felt when it is seen.
Happiness overriding all other emotions.
A pattern that pleases the analytical brain.
A mess that satisfies the inner child's mind.
To say that one thing is beautiful, and yet another is not, makes no sense;
As everything satisfies at least one of these criteria.
The wall, a pear, the top of a computer case.
A single flower, a petal, a mountain, some snow.
The microscopic picture of dirt and the mind-boggling life that lives everywhere.
Even blood, an insect, a large spider climbing up the bathroom wall.
Everything is beautiful, from a certain perspective.