I sleep between my sweetest love and my bitterest hate

Between my best luck and my illest fate.

I can't let you go

without scarring him so.

"I should stay," my mind insists

but the rest of me resists.

Once I left the world I knew,

Embracing one that’s full of you

But chip by chip and blow by blow

I lost the love I thought would grow

It’s not so fair to share your bed

When I know my heart is dead.

Hope you don’t notice the lack of fire

From cold, old embers of a lost desire.

Each drop you threw

Of your nasty brew

Dropped cold on me

Till there was none to see

Of the love for you

that once I knew.

Now you pour oils of warm love

Over and above me

To strike some flame—

A familiar game!

But my heart, though once alive

Can never get revived.

Yet I am here, even though I grieve

Simply ’cause I cannot leave

And rip the dear little one I have

That’s left for me to love.

You’ve called me too many things I can’t believe I can laugh it off.

Pins and daggers have no power over my walled heart.

You wonder why my kisses are as tasteless as a bland meal

You should be surprised you even get one.

I’m a fool deceived by a fool

Which makes me twice the fool you are.

Hanging tightly to a fragile thread for fear of letting go,

For fear my wings would fail me.

But one day when I’m brave enough

To fight for what I am,

It will be clear to both you and I

How you neither knew

Nor deserved me.

So I sit here screaming with a voice

No one can hear.

Smiling sweetly from a heart broken

Over and over.

Calling for rescue from a captor

I keep running back to.

No matter how I cry,

I laugh because you don’t deserve to feel my pain.

While they point their fingers at how I suck at this

All I know is I love you fiercely.

It doesn’t matter what they think.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

You will grow well because I watered you

with love.

I know love.

They can label it all they want

But I know love.

It is loving you that has taught me what love is.

And loving him that taught me

What it’s not.

Brick by brick

We built walls that

Shut me in and

Shut you out

Till all we could hear

Were echoes of

Our own distraught voices...

Depleted of sunshine

Torn in the storm

The glorious past

Dwindled into

impalpable ruins.

It was over

Till we let the walls down

Hugged, and swore

Life can grow

from the ashes.

I have followed you like an ominous shadow. I've invaded your space with my suffocating ways. You have reached your limit and have decided to limit my reach.

A gun ainʼt gonna scare me. For when my body releases my spirit, I can haunt you even more. For then I can follow you through every wall and every closed door. You will see me less but feel me more. My stubborn soul, you can't suppress.

So go ahead and shoot me.

It'sʼthe bullet that will set me free

And hold you forever in my captivity.

Trading sanity

and every opportunity

For a momentary hit...

You lay everything precious

To eat a piece of shit.

You swallow it whole

To revel in the "high"

But no, it's swallowing you

Down till you die

before you actually

really do.

You dig for shit---

Shit, shit and

more shit.

Then you suck it

As it sucks you in

To bury you and your

Everythin.'

Bit by bit

'Neath a pile

of deep, dark yellow

Yummy, yucky shit.

So I sit here with my heart
Broken into tiny little pieces
I thought I've sewn back 
At least a thousand times
You say it ain't gonna work
And I say, yea, I'm tired, too.
So let me break my heart 
And sew it one more time
And then hide it where 
you can't touch it again.

We put out our last thread
In the hopes that it would hold
But when it snapped again,
I guess we both just realized that some things broken can never be fixed and it's best to let them go.

As I looked through the window

I could well see

The freedom she said

I could give me.

But the doors are shut---

There's a wolf within

But there could be

Some more without.

So I returned to my night,

Dreaming of the happy sight

Through the window

Beside the closed door.

I wear make up and smiles---

You will never see my scars

And wounds from all my inner wars.

If you look into my eyes

You might see me through my lies.

But what do you care

If I cover what I can't lay bare?

I don't owe you an apology

I never took from you

When I stashed pieces of me

Away from view.

Truth and all its faces---

Bitterly sweet---

Are distorted in my cracked mirrors of self-deceit.

The truth is---

I scarcely ever lie

Except to the girl that I alone see---

The one I call "me."