I'm praying to the goddess that you're doing just fine
Wishing you the best with all of my might
Even though you did me wrong that drunken night
I still care bout you now you've gone from my sight
When you were here, you were my little devil
Giving me hell kept my mind kind of levelled
The pain you left me in sometimes felt like heaven
And others it left me so dishevelled
I kind of craved the cruelty cuz it eased my inner pain
You threw at me the names and my demons it had slayed
They lived inside of me holding me in chains
Controlled the way I thought, creating a pretty perfect slave
Sometimes the bad in you would make me feel insane
But it scared the depression, it almost went away
Little did I know the ache was hiding in another place
Thinking of you as first aid, but you were just a different kind of pain
Psychological violence inflicted on my soul
Creating the cracks you put in me but I wanna feel whole
Picking up the ragged cards that you doled
I can't take this kind of love anymore
As I said before, I wish you all the best
I really hope your demons are the ones slayed next
I couldn't continue loving you when I learned bout self respect
But I guess everything just makes sense when you're dead
Some days I feel like a damn god.
Confident, outspoken and funny
Living life so hard
I feel like every single person is a great friend
Life is fucking great
This happiness will never end
For at least a week
I feel like I could rule the world
Every person loves me
Theys, guys and girls
I know I deserve greatness
And I should do whatever I want
I don't think about consequences
I don't consider the future harms
I'm living life to the fullest
And I give the best advice
Deciding to change my hair again
To match my beautiful eyes
Feeling kinda risky
Because a gamble could be fun
Making massive choices on a flip of a coin
The decision making done
I don't listen to your problems well
Even though I try
Because your words are not sticking
Mixed music playing loud in my mind
Dangerous social butterfly
I make friends of those I meet
But around day 8
And I'm drowning in defeat
I must have annoyed everyone
Gotten on their nerves
I'm going to be completely alone
And it's everything I deserve
I regret so many choices
Guilt swarms in my head
All the actions I made
All the wrong words I said
I hate the way I look
How could anybody like me
I'm boring, ugly and miserable
If I weren't here they'd be free
Tears fill my eyes often
I'm constantly worn and sad
It takes me a while to realise
I'm really not that bad
At some point my calm hits and I stop feeling so cynical
After all, it's just the chemicals.
No means no, but not to him
"He's my husband" this is just the beginning
Telling him I'm not in the mood and my heads a mess
Pulling away as he grasps at my chest
My heart is tightening and my gut feels the weight
Im pushing at him again, and "Come on, I'm being romantic" he says
He continues the touching, his hands down my shorts
I try to close my thighs but it just hurts
My tears are in my throat
His breath on my ear and I'm beginning to choke
He pulls down my pants and I stop using my words
Because its fucking absurd how much that doesn't work
The relationship that ties us makes you see me as a possession
But to me it makes me hate you more, I wish you would walk out of the door, I never want to see you anymore, if you died I'm sure... I still wouldn't regret this confession.
Candles, meditation, Crystals as well
I'm doing all I can to find the right spell
I'm stuck in a land that feels like limbo
I try to find the right words and feel like a bimbo
Hurting and angry
because I sometimes feel happy
When he jokes with me and tells me pretty things
I've managed to open the door but I can't pull it off the hinge
So I find myself calling out for help
Angel guides, spirits way up high or even The Goddess herself
I can't find my way
My awful escape
I don't think I can do this by myself.
I want to call you babygirl and princess,
Help you keep on track and pick out the perfect dress.
I could take you under my wing, and teach you how to fly.
Show you some new things and wipe the tears that escaped your eyes.
If you would let me, I would take care of you in every single way.
Make you feel tall again and strong enough to brave the day.
I'd also want some good loving, just because it's fun.
I'd want to see you sweat and pant when we're nowhere near done.
I think you'd look pretty with my collar, wrapped around your throat.
And I imagine that beautiful smile, as you laugh at my awful jokes.
So why not become my kitten,
When I promise I'll treat you well.
You'll be my sunshine and my heaven, and a tiny bit of hell.
Today is the day in which you will begin to love yourself. Loving yourself from within will make everything in your life so much smoother. Calmer, happier.
So, what's one thing you love about yourself?
You can tell me if you want, but the most important thing is that you tell yourself.
I'll love you too.