I would like to take a moment to tell you all a story about a man named Daniel. He lived among the gentiles as a Hebrew. He was a good and faithful man and was loved by his God and the King. But one day for no other reason then the DREAMS of the King, Daniel found himself having to choose between the laws of his government and the laws of his God.

Daniel, being a good and righteous man, chose his God and without protest or rioting went about his life in his normal manners disregarding, but not disrespecting the orders of the king.

Well, when the Kings people saw this they were outraged. They made great proclamations and grumbled about how disrespectful and unpatriotic Daniel was for not following every tiny minuscule regulation decreed by his King.

Even though the King loved Daniel, he let the anger of the people harden his heart and soon he too was livid at the fact that Daniel could be so disobedient.

And so to prove his point the King had Daniel thrown into the Lion's Den where he would be eaten alive in a gruesome and telling death. The King would make an example out of Daniel.

Only Daniel didn't get eaten because Daniel didn't do anything wrong in God's eyes. He chose to follow what was right over a puffed up King's stupid dream and because of that, he was rewarded by the one and only King who really matters.

Moral of the Story.

Just because it was declared by "The King" doesn't make it acceptable. Follow God (the Universe, your gut, you're higher conscious, your Jiminy Cricket, the Angel who sits on your shoulder, your Higher power), not the mad fantasies of a ruler and the masses who follow blindly.

I allowed myself the splendor of flying too close to the sun, much like Icarus, only once. It was an incredible experience. Invigorating, yet deceptive. The higher you go the farther away from the sun you are. Its warmth can not be felt over the bitter cold atmosphere. Wetness stings your face and freezes as the thinning climate clings to your blue-tinted skin.

There is no air to breathe in when you're this high up. Even as the winds rip past you in a tremendous maelstrom your lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, but I couldn't stop. I had to know. I was up this high to do one thing. Test my limits. I had drifted up past tall buildings and I had skimmed mountain tops, I had felt the thin air bite at me before, but never like this. This was the Universe's way of saying stop. You have gone as far as humanly possible. Only humans, normal everyday walking on two legs humans, they couldn't fly. I could. And so I pushed farther on.

It's a funny feeling when you're propelling through the clouds. How silent the world below seems when the vapors around rumble and churn. Friction and electricity collide in great shows of testosterone-filled rage as they shift in and out of each other. You learn to fly fast and be ready. At any moment a colossal storm front can amass around you. These Deadly tempests devour everything in their path growing fat with gluttonous hunger.

The higher up I got the more it became evident that I too would fail in my attempts to reach the sun. Only I had no wax and feathered wings fashioned to my back. I had no wings at all. Instead, I had a great longing, an emptiness, and a lightness that I felt in my bones. I had a heart that would soon stop beating. Lungs that were about to explode. I had reached my limit.

I remember looking up into the brightness of the open empty sky and marveling at how vast the world really was. If only everyone could see the view from up here.

How insignificant it all is when the world is below you. I reached my hand out one last time hoping to feel something from the ball of burning gas that had brought me farther and higher than any other human before the darkness consumed me and I began my long descent.

I set my eyes upon the darkness

I felt its never-ending gloom

I wallowed in its sorrows

I drank from its vacant spoon.

I stepped into it gladly

Gladly it took my hand

Hand in hand we walked in silence

Silence showed its full command.

Commanding all that was in me

Me to weak and vulnerable to see

See the good behind me

Me in darkness we’re now Queens.

Queens of dark and tortured people

People too fragile to find their way

Way to crawl out of the silence

Silence would not reflect the light of day.

Day is bright and warm

Warm brings comfort to the soul

Soul feeds on what is given

Given to us all.

All of us are wanting

Wanting to feel the warm bright sun

Sun that fills the darkness

Darkness that consumes the human soul.

The way I see it.

You can teach a man to fish all day long, but if they can't afford the permit to fish he still can't fish.

You can send an addict to the most expensive rehab and spend all your hard-earned cash to get them clean and sober, but if the addict isn't ready they'll go right back to their addiction.

You can have 190 different available employment opportunities

But if those businesses won't hire people with a past, those people will still be jobless.

You can give food stamps and cash aid to the poverty-stricken and the elderly

But if you're not willing to TEACH them how to budget their money

They'll continue to use it frivolously.

You can send a student to the best college and they can earn the highest degrees

But if there aren't any open positions, they still won't be able to find a job in their field.

You can give a person a brand new home and cut their rent down to $30.00 a month

But if they don't know how to maintain that home, it will end up wrecked and broken.

You can erect a thousand homeless shelters and feed the homeless 3 Square meals a day

But unless their individual needs are addressed, they will still be homeless.

You can shout your opinions on POLITICS, ECONOMICS, RELIGION, and BELIEFS on every rooftop in every town,

But, that doesn't mean everyone who hears you will accept your point of view.

100 straight days of Protests

Another black man dead.

A child walks the streets of Portland

A semi-automatic weapon in his hand.

Our people are divided

Our government is too.

Our goal for a nation united

Is broken and askew.

We fight for what we think are freedoms

And the privileges they bring

While thousands WAIT for a respirator

just to help them breathe.

The pandemic

and the riots,

upheaval in the streets

The political agendas,

that don't express a thing.

America is dying.

Her wounds and scars are bared.

Her children all are crying

But her leaders do not care.

They haggle over money

And how it should be used

They argue and they bicker

Over silly points of view.

But everyone is different

We all have different truths.

What I observe with my own two eyes

Can't be seen by you.

The struggles of a culture

can be generations deep

An oppressive coalition

can bring a nation to its knees.

A novel virus might not attack

A certain lucky few.

But the people it does affect

aren't as fortunate as me and you.

Some might get a little cold

Or show no signs at all,

They go about their busy day

Unaffected by it all.

They do not heed the warnings

They put other people down.

6 feet apart, and a silly mask

Violates their right to move around.

Compassion is essential.

Moral decency is too.

Accepting that other people's opinions

are important too.

It doesn't take an army to march up and down the streets.

It doesn't take militia's to contain the peace.

It doesn't take a therapist

And a ton of wasted years

To see the problem is the hate

That's ringing in our ears.

When we agree that ALL LIVES MATTER

and that our government's a joke.

That is when America can start to mend

all that has been broke.

Silent

Strong

And

struggling.

He shined until the end.

He emulated greatness

A man.

a King.

a friend.

An ambassador for Racial Rights.

An Advocate for change.

He endeavored to be different,

and he got his way.

His eyes held fast his secret.

His smile it did not fade.

He endured a silent battle

A war he did not win.

Cancer took the life of our Black Panther

It took our Wakanda King

It took our Jackie Robinson

Now we the people grieve.

Soft and supple skin.

Lips.

Hips.

Breasts.

You're the apple of men's eye.

You're blossoming with womanhood.

You're flaming with desire.

Between your thighs is heaven.

Where God himself abides.

Your innocence Ambrosia.

Your impish ways delight.

Oh my sweet lady.

Relish in these days

For they come and go so quickly

And can never be replaced.

So,

Let them chase but never catch you.

Let them admire from afar.

Let them look at you with wonder

You are the northern star.

Let them bow before your alter,

and lay their supplications at your feet.

Let them sing your praises loudly,

and whisper your name out in their sleep.

Let them want you madly,

But never let them in.

Because creation lies within you

Your Womb belongs to Man.

And every man is wanting

But very few deserve

The passion pain and pleasure

That comes with all your curves.

So use this short time wisely

How you live it counts

You're a Goddess young sweet thing

Take that into account.

When I look into my mirror,

I am pleased with what I see.

A perfectly good representation

of the person I should be.

My face is pale and perfect.

Not a wrinkle to be found.

There's no double chin,

or extra skin,

no reason for me to frown.

I smile at this person,

this version of myself.

She gives me confidence

and reassures me,

I'm just like everyone else.

The person I see in photos

is an imitation me.

She looks nothing like the reflection

of the me I like to see.

This me is chubby cheeked and awkward.

Her beady eyes too small.

Her skin tone is patchy,

her hair unmanageable.

Who is this person in the picture?

Where did the real me go?

How can I be two people?

The one I see-

compared

-to the one you know.

The differences uncanny.

The two are not the same.

I can't believe the mirror.

Or the camera..

It's a shame.

Too many of us out there

see ourselves this way.

We struggle with self image

each and every day.

We try out new looks,

and new haircuts.

Dye jobs that might impress..

Anything that might create

an us that just makes sense.

Because the mirror only flatters,

while the photos only harm.

So..

We begin to look at ourselves

Through everyone else.

to tell us who we are.

I ran from my past so far and so long, when I tried to look back

the trail was gone.

The luggage I carried was heavy and tattered.

Its contents were fragile and already shattered.

I fell to my knees as I wept in despair.

Too tired to stand

Too broken to care.

It was too much to carry and too far to go

The terrain too bumpy

The journey too slow.

And the things I brought with me

would do me no good

For all I had with me were lessons I’d learned.

To run and to hide when things got to tough

To push people aside when life was too rough

To smile

and lie

and keep it all in

To get used to losing

because I was not made to win.

My suitcase was filled to the brim with this stuff!

No wonder I struggled and almost gave up!

No wonder I ran away from my past.

No wonder I was happy with coming in last.

With lessons like these I had been taught to concede.

Before even trying I often would leave.

I thought I had left these things far behind.

Only to learn they’ve been here the whole time.

I’m tossing this suitcase.

And its contents of shame.

I’m done living with regret

and dining with shame.

And when I choose to walk away

I’ll be lighter

and happier

with no baggage to claim!

I really fucked up today.

February 14th has never been my day. I won’t bore you with a list of my 10 worst Valentine’s days, and no, this one would not have made it on that list as of now anyway. But then again, my husband isn’t home from work yet to fully determine how bad things are going to get.

This morning I woke up to a text.

“Is this Leah?”

“Yeah, who’s this?”

The next couple of messages went on to explain who it was and the reason for the message. It was a guy from one of my groups calling about a job opportunity he might know of.

None of this sounds like I fucked up yet huh? Just wait.

I thanked him for the heads up on the job lead, but of course, that couldn’t be the end of it.

“You married?” Came in seconds after I sent out my last text.

“Yep, I have been for 15 years now.”

This is where everything blows up. First off let me explain, I had just woken up. I was literally releasing my morning bladder while texting him back so what was said and done next I blame entirely on lack of coffee and shame. You see in my mind this is a person helping out another person- until the message becomes personal. What I should have done is thanked him for his offer and told him to piss off, but instead I have to go and mess everything up. The next text message he sends is,

“Too bad, because it looks like you give great head.”

I delete the whole damned conversation. This is the first conversation I have had this morning and it was with a stranger, to say the least. Now, I am feeling sick. I am ashamed of myself for giving out my number -job lead or not- and I’m

completely shocked by the early morning abruptness of this dude's last message. On top of that, it’s Valentine’s day and I don’t want to start it off by telling my husband what just transpired. Oh and I just deleted the conversation so I can’t show it to him now to prove myself. I know he must have seen the first message before I got up. My phone is always out and open. I have nothing to hide. Usually.

So I lie. Kind of. I tell him about the job lead, but tell him the text came from a girl I met at the group instead of telling him the truth.

Well, guess what? He takes one look at my phone, sees the conversation was deleted and leaves for work before I can try to apologize, come clean, and back myself out of the corner of deceit and shame I have thrown myself into this morning!

So, what do I do? I send him this huge freaking text trying to explain it all and to apologize for being an idiot. The worst part is I already know he won’t believe me. God, I hate Valentine’s Day.