English
You summoned me
Now here I am
I bet you thought that I'd be mad
Perhaps I am
But, don't you know?
I'm better now that I'm a ghost
Pish posh
Don't drink that apple sauce
I made it just for him
It's apples and a secret thing
Run and stop, but never walk
The slow move is real boring
I brought you to this place because I thought that you were homeless.
My
Ring the bell
Clap, clap, clap
Lunch is over in a snap
Drink your water
Drink your milk
Drink the bitterness and chill
Don't be silly
Have some faith
Everything is in that wraith
Speak up, but
don't be too loud
Living with a sullen cloud
It's not over
Just begin
Take this thing out for a spin
Take a breather
Don't be rash
No one needs to see you crash
If you need another hit
Lean in closer for a bit
Let me whisper in your ear
No one ever leaves from here.
Here I am
The thing I was trying to avoid
Even though it felt devoid
And because I had that void
To be empty
To be full
Nothing's working as it should
Some things seem to be improving
Others have some darker doings
To be naked
To be free
To be sinful
Filled with greed
Here's your clothing
Go be judged
From below to what's above
There's no telling what I've done
Past and future have been written
Present is what we've been given
Here's the one and only option
Nothing else is up for auction
If you think, just get in line
Everybody says it's fine
Even if you lose your mind
Substance
Subordination doesn’t mean not
standing up for oneself
does it?
it can’t
making oneself understood
is an art form
i never mastered and
if I did, it was in
another lifetime
I vaguely remember. The
ashes surround me, they
tickle my nose and
everyone can see how
dusty they’ve made me
I bathe in them daily. the
abuse and the
magic that helped me
dissociate long enough to
survive
consume me
alive
File On
What would I do if I had a place to place my thoughts?
if an ear would hear me out, what would I say?
if a shoulder were to shoulder all my worries, would I share?
the truth is that I’m dying to engage
I’m dying but not desperate
I’m dying because I’m not desperate
because I’d rather die than share in vain
because desperation is vain
if you haven’t seen it and don’t understand it, there’s really no way to explain it
I’ll find what I’m dreaming of some way, somehow
the platform escapes me for now
it’s so close, I can taste, but maybe the time isn’t right
My mind always races and if I let it convince me, I get ahead of myself and that’s what gets me into trouble
but not this time
my only resolution this time is to be patient
and if I never find it, my thoughts are to die with me
one by one
like the Ella Wheeler Wilcox poem
one by one
Sing
I used to have so many conversations with you in my head because I felt I couldn’t speak to you
that stopped the day I let you go
the conversations turned into reflections of the last two decades
I sang “If I could turn back time” so many times that I believe I actually did
and now that time is convoluted, I find myself reflecting at times and other times, I’m having those conversations with you again
but not the same ones
not the ones about how I feel about your apathy
no, now it’s just wishing I could share the mundane events of my life with you
then I remember the last time that happened and I can’t help but feel that maybe time is running out
time has always been running out
but maybe we’re closer to the end than we can imagine
it’s happened to me twice before and I didn’t know what it meant
third time’s the charm, but unlike a few months ago, I don’t want to turn back time anymore
now all that comes to mind is, “What a wicked game to play to make me feel this way,
what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you…”
Forever Young
I miss my 12th grade English teacher
most of all, I miss feeling like the future was wide open
like the world was my oyster
because as soon as I graduated
i was just another number
nothing was special about me anymore
and I’ve never recovered from that fall from grace
the pain has merely turned to numbness