I crave the days of innocence.
The days where I could act before thinking.
I crave the days of high self-esteem.
The days where I wasn't compared to her.
I crave the days of freedom.
The days where I didn't feel trapped.
I crave the days of company.
The days where I could express my emotions to others.
But most importantly,
I crave the days of happiness.
Body of Nothing
Life is just one big dream
Everything circles and the cycle repeats
Never knew I could be so empty inside
Never knew how bad I wanted to die
A place that was so familiar
Is so foreighn
I get tunnel vision
And my thoughts are frozen
Floating through a time warp
Seconds are lost
Minutes are gone
All I have left is a voice
That taunts the words “move on”
Walk away on glass and strain
Ears ring every time I hear your name
A bloody note labeled “you’re in the wrong space”
It’s a dark place
Everything is laced
I can’t face my fate
I can’t face a huge mistake
Life is just one big book that screams collateral damage
Everything spins and I always get hit
Never knew life would go like this
Never knew someone so sad could exist
A place that was so sweet
Is so sour
My heart turns cold
And my brain has expired
Crawling through an apocalypse of lost souls
My mind is lost
Is anybody home?
Can you take twenty years and waste my time
This is not my prime or anything divine
This is what heaven and hell feel like
When their worlds collide
Tears of blood I bled
Get me out of this bed
Get out of my head
These are all the words I should've said
But I let them control me instead
A Kiss Upon His Cheek
The remnants of parted lips
On his neck
Loose enough to sink a life
Betrayal of twilight and a soft foyer glow
His eyes read like pages
Fresh from words
He's never spoken before
And never intended to speak of again
A back pocket night
February air and its shiver
To trade love and life
For 30 pieces of silver
Stranger in my Bed
I woke up next to someone new
Anxiety inside me grew
Who is this man in bed with me?
Where did we meet, who could it be?
I shook my head to clear the fog
Tried to dispel hangover bog
What had happened late last night?
Possibilities gave me fright
Another eve of drugs and wine
Now I lay here in a bind
Ensnared in sheets and coverlets
Drowning in morning regrets
I stare down at a stranger's face
Trying to recall his embrace
I sit up slowly, aching head
Carefully slip out of bed
He stirs and mumbles in his sleep
His beauty makes me want to weep
Try as I might, his name won't come
For all I know he's just some bum
I light up my last cigarette
Wondering just how we met
Oh where did I end up last night?
Nothing seems to shed the light
I cross the room back to the bed
I gently sit down near his head
I softly brush a lock of hair
Out of his eyes and then I stare
He looks a bit familiar
I wonder just how close we are
I feel like there is something more
Than strangers dancing on the floor
I crush my smoke out in a tray
I try to make my mind replay
The memories seem close to me
But just not close enough to see
I jump when he begins to wake
Opens his eyes, I double take
He smiles and touches my hair
"Good morning, love, my lady fair."
Finally it all comes back
My memory is no longer black
He is no stranger after all
We were married late last fall
I have a haunting brain disease
Sometimes I lose my memories.
What We Think of Each Other
I sometimes wonder
How we all view each other
In this space for writing
Is it a few seconds of judgement
Based solely off of one word
How much does a profile pic
Sum up everyone's view
Is it the mood we're in
Or consistent themes we see
The number of likes received
Maybe the added poetry pics
Just some thoughts
How we perceive each other
And on the criteria it's based upon
Cutting Edge Flight
I wave goodbye
standing at the top of a building,
vultures gliding waiting for my morsels.
I skip ropes of my ambivalence,
rip off your crimson bandage of hatred,
throw it to the soaring currents.
I look down to see the damp rocks
in the onyx river of concrete,
pore over my life of closed zippers.
I take a running leap -
the toes of my shoes catch
on the edge of all I have lost.
Flashlight gripped tightly in my hand
spotlights the hopeless leap
of no tomorrow.
The elevator of my existence
wings downward in a spiral
as a little semblance of me
floats above rubbernecking
in abject fascination of
cutting edge flight of no return.
Inundated by contradictions
I can’t turn back from intimacy
of cancelling my reality.
I do it for you, I say!
Sunset at the old apartment
This old apartment
Dusted with long years
With good times and bad times
And all the times in between
Standing now, dark in dusk and shaded golden in memory
The street before it catching my tears
The sun is rising somewhere else
Even as this one sets
I turn my heart, my mind, my soul, my body
To that distant sun
And I move on
I would rather you remember me as I was. Before.
Shining beautiful, tingling with desire, crying easily, talking and stepping too loud. Embarrassing, but funny…or so I thought. Remember me pinching your armpit where my head, tucked, was always the coziest, making you wriggle, squeeze tears and snort laughter. Remember me snuggled up tight with our babies, snoring and stealing your covers… with one eye open.
Forget this exhausted shrunken husk, dehydrating in the late summer air, begrudgingly giving feed to the tumor that used to nip and graze sometime, but has finally settled in for the long banquet.
So that when my soul, afire, spills open into the autumn wind, coating golden spinning leaves…and you…and them, you can shake me loose and dust me off. And help the kids do that too.
And remember me as I was. Before.