Indecisive.
I don’t know what I want anymore. Too many things go on all at once for me to ever feel okay or even comfortable. It’s not only exhausting for you to hear what I want for myself, but for me as well. I hate it, but I don’t know how else to feel. I don’t know what else to think. The world is so heavy and so are all of the things that go on in it. Especially for me. I’ve dealt with so much fucking shit in my life that giving up is something I have yet to do...so what if that’s my answer.
“The Take Over, The Breaks Over”
I was having such an off day.
Body and mind. Words scrambling in my brain with not only anger, but confusion and sadness. We went for a drive and exactly at 11:23pm I heard you singing and looked over at you. The veins and muscles in your neck straining as you open and closed your mouth and sang every word so perfectly on key. It’s that exact time that I realized the anger and sadness and confusion slowly melted away and the sound of your voice calmed me down. You smiled at me while you sang and I couldn’t help myself but to come to a stop and grab your face as the song ended and kiss you.
I wonder if I pass this place because it’s what’s familiar. If I drive past just to see what it’s like now, now that we’ve all moved on. Empty honestly. But a lot of things happened in that place. It wasn’t a home, it was just temporary. I hurt a lot inside that temporary place. Always wondering if I was ever going to get out. I did. But for some reason, I pass it still. Still thinking of what used to be.