I am broke

I have cracks along my edges

Shattered pieces lay beside me

Pleading to be put back

I am broke

I have cracks along my edges

There is a hole where my heart

Once was

I am broke

I have cracks along my edges

I have chipped memories

Cascading down my spine

I am broke

The cracks along my edges

Are the only things,

Holding me together

We had to leave

Our paradise behind.

We knew it was coming.

It always does.

We traveled back

Home to face reality again.

It's always bitter-sweet.

I wish we could go back.

But at the same time,

This is where a belong. 

It's time.

I'm afraid, 

But I'm ready.

I know what's coming,

But at the same time, 

I am absolutely clueless.

All I know

Is that there are 9 people

Who need to see less of each other,

And more of the rest of the world.

We are so wrapped up

In ourselves

In each other

In the lives that we are living.

But we keep forgetting

That in a few days 

We will be leaving 

These lives behind.

I still love them.

The 9 of them 

Hold me together

Keep me going.

But there are places to go.

People to see.

First impressions to make.

Dreams to chase.

I want you by my side,

But there is more to your lives than me.

And there is more to my life than you.

Recently

I've been feeling

Like I'm forgetting something.

Something I should be holding.

Something I should be wearing.

I couldn't figure it out.

Until now.

The school year is coming to a close.

And everyday my anxiety grows

There is something missing 

That was there before.

I now that summer is approaching

My schedule is less cluttered

And my life is more stress free.

Is the weight of the baggage of stress,

The thing that I'm forgetting?

An invisible weight on my shoulders

That now has been lifted?

I won't say it.

The word 

They are 

Telling me the use.

The last time

I used it

I got hurt

On a daily basis.

I finally escaped

The cruel word

And I won't

Let it trap me again

So easily.

If you ask me

How I stay happy 

I will always tell you this.

Lose yourself.

It's the best feeling in the world.

Get lost.

Get caught up.

It doesn't matter what it is.

An activity

An art

A job

A career

Another person

A romance

A family

People who are happy 

Build their lives 

Based on things they get caught up in.

They build their lives off of all of the things that they give their all to.

It's your life, and it's your choice.

But this thing that you are caught up on 

This thing that is making you sad,

Are you going to let it become your whole life?

People get caught up in happiness.

And People get caught up in sadness.

It's your life.

Make your choice.

I don't know

Why do they blame students

For the stress pushed on top of them.

I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of being too tired.

Too tired to stay awake in class.

Too tired to have fun.

Too tired to live.

Is it our fault?

Is it our fault

If we fall asleep

While studying

Because we are tired 

From 8 hours of class

From 6 hours of practice.

From a two day tournament.

I'm sorry I fell asleep while

Doing your stupid assignment

I'm sorry I failed the test.

I fell asleep with the text books

Open in my lap.

I'm sorry I'm so exhausted.

I'm sorry that everything that I do

Isn't enough for you.

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry at all.

It all started 

When I got my

Pretty little belt.

I had asked for a 

New one, for my other

Had been worn through.

I wore my new belt on the

5th loosest setting 

Because that was comforting.

But then I saw 

The other girls could wear their belts

On the first, most tight belt size.

They were comfortable.

5th wasn't good enough for me anymore.

The tighter I was able to make the belt

The happier I was.

So I kept doing what I was doing.

Today

I put on my belt.

To the first, tightest setting.

I was comfortable in the belt.

I was not comfortable in my own skin anymore though.

Maybe it's time for a smaller belt.

Tell me the truth.

I'm ready to hear it.

I know that before

I only wanted to hear lies.

Because lies are pretty.

Tell me what you think of me.

I know what I think of me

And what others think 

Can't be much better.

Just lay it all out on the table.

Tell me what they whisper about me

Behind me back

I want to know.

I can handle it.

I need to know.

Tell me the things they say

At the parties I wasn't invited to.

Tell me me flaws

The knows I might know

The ones I might not. 

You won't hurt me.

I promise.

I will be okay 

No matter what 

They may have said.

Tell me what they think of me.

Tell me what you think of me.

Don't tell me I'm beautiful.

Don't tell me they think so too.

I know that that's not true. 

Please don't lie to me.

I have been trying 

To get it out of you for years.

I just want to know.

Please.

Tell me what you think.