_

The water in shrunken muscles lifted, and the pain overflowed the cavity. Lungs tightened. Tears formed under a mangled up heart, and could no longer remain unheard, slipping down her face and cascading past the bruises and pained hands. Fingers pressed to a chest, nails digging in the soft tissue, yet this pain she did not feel or comprehend. There was just the cold Mississippi river in her veins, no longer blood that could warm her up, barely melted ice that hid under her skin.

You should have stayed.

She crosses her arms and then wraps them around her torso. Tight, really tight, wanting to stop the tired breaths, the drenching sobs. The ending of the last thing that she held dear, of what she loved. Something that was taken away, ripped from her empty arms.

You should have stayed.

Her weakened body rolls into a ball and lays on the bed. Her breathing turning into spasms, this life can’t breathe, it doesn’t want you. Fists hitting a bare mattress until her shoulders start to quiver. This river turns colder, yet doesn’t freeze her mind. She moves to the edge of the bed and slips to the ground, almost lifeless like the last tide after a flood.

Go home child, there is no room for you here. You served your purpose, you must leave.

You should have stayed.

Her thoughts slow down, the wind cooling her face. She looks up and sees the open door. No one had locked them, no one had cared. So the rain in her organs had settled and the rocks between her ribs had tumbled down. Nothing to save her from the storm’s raging forces, a rising current of lost hope. It swallowed her up. And now she waits for the last of tears, listening to the songs that nobody hears. The music still playing inside those four walls, no more harmony, just slow chaos. A painful symphony beating the drums.

You left. You left. You left.

Rain not seen, falling on to the ground. Tapping against her feet.

You left. You left. You left.

__________

I have a few favorite writers to recommend.

Peter S. Beagle, who wrote The Last Unicorn. It's a sweet, fun and clever adventure with a bittersweet ending. I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Beagle and he is a wonderful person. So on top of appreciating great writing, you'd also be supporting a great guy if you buy one of his books.

I'm also a huge fan of Jack Vance. Not a lot of people know this, but his Dying Earth series was the precursor to Dungeons & Dragons. Gygax was inspired by Vanc'es writing. Vance had a fantastic imagination with rich settings and interesting characters. He created worlds with diverse cultures and interesting lore. He had a real penchant for drawing you into a scene. He really sparked the imagination. Just really enthralling.

I used to hate my ex for years and years.

And then I hated my next ex for a few years.

I hated yet another one for just a little while.

I hated the girl who bullied me in junior high.

I hated the boy I didn't even know who called me ugly.

I hated the boy who picked on me almost every day and threw a text book at me in class.

I hated the teacher that saw the book hit my back and said nothing.

I hated going to school.

I hated every random person who said a hurtful thing.

I hated waking up.

I hated being me.

Many days, I hated being alive.

I then got very tired.

And I started to think in a way that made me less tired. Because I wanted my energy back. I hated being exhausted more than I hated those other things and people.

I forgave my exes.

I forgave the kids at school.

I forgave the teacher.

I forgave me.

Then I accepted that people are just people, and hate usually is born out of not really knowing somebody or not understanding what make people the way they are. Most people are all right. Even the really broken ones. Because they have a reason that they are broken. The very broken ones usually end up in prison away from us anyways.

I then saw that not only was I less tired, but I didn't hurt anymore and nobody could say words to hurt me. Because that pain was a choice.

I then replaced that hate with acceptance, understanding....and avoidance. Because I also learned that I didn't owe anyone anything either. Not even a hello.