.

~ ~

one ~ tiny

flower picked

just for you

to let you

know

that

i am

t ha n

k f u

l

~

f

o

r

~

y

o

u

~

to all

of you

who take

the

time

to read,

repost

and

like

my

rhyme,

i

thank

you

most

sincerely,

with

a

piece

of

artful

poetry

when flooded with grief,

my lost mother hovers a whisper:

" It was but a dream,

your life now begins.. "

She takes my hand

to cross the bridge of life.

We're both free now,

I am in ecstasy .

Do you remember the nights we spent filling each other up?

You, eating my sleep as a feast.

And me, filling with your exhaustion.

Draining and bursting.

Bite down on the flesh of my dreams one last time?

Let me dig my teeth into your late nights?

Swallow down your slumber as you inhale my evening repose.

I know you’re starving, love.

So am I.

All of my love,

your sleepless nights

I’m drowning in his veins. His heart, twice the size it should be, pumping tainted blood through the labyrinth buried beneath his skin. I take refuge in his lungs. And it’s then that I see what’s creating the cataract of sludge. Great piles of charred mess building across the walls. Too hot, poisoned air launched at me and him with kamikaze apathy and sniper-like precision. And all the while he spits the scorched oxygen to his heart. Cranking out more pollution than his body can dispose of. And me with my gas mask, hell-bent on tearing down the filth. I shovel it out like a chimney sweep in a stack that’s still on fire. Until my energy is spent. Until the tears stream hot and sulfurous, only adding to the contaminated blood. And I hope that if I stay here, a living thing inside of him, that the air that falls in on me will somehow be clean. That I can breathe life back into him. But the sky above me is filled with explosions of darkness. And the bombs only continue to fall.

Sheer Will.

No, that's a lie.

My dogs get me up

On the toughest of mornings.

Their incessant whining

Barking and prancing

Begging for food.

They don't let up

Licking my exposed toes

Digging bony elbows into my back

Cold snouts pushed into my face.

They force me up

To feed them

Because I may not want to live

But I need to for my dogs.

It reminds me after a while

That those moments

Mean something

My life

Means something

To someone.

My husband,

My dogs,

My cats.

I may want to give up

See nothing to live for

But those barks are all it takes

to tell me

I'm needed, wanted, and loved.

That's what gets me up

When there's nothing to live for.

Succumb to the succubine nectar

The nature of life

Feeding on itself

To survive through the night

We fight

Fuck

And feed off each other

A primordial urge

Embedded phonetically to epigenetically spread like a plague of light

Naked and shinning brightly in time through history

Once you’ve tasted Her sweet embrace

Her poisonous kiss

You must succumb to the cold stillness

Or use lifeless eyes and reflect back as you feed

Unaware you’re bleeding out all the while

the morning light

creeps into my bedroom

spreading honey

across the dark room

I can see it,

there on the other side

far away from my touch

as I,

drown in a sea of blankets,

the pillow

dipped under the

heavy weight of my mind,

the mattress

sinking inwards

under the heavy weight of

my mind and body

with no anchor to keep me afloat,

no boat to take me to the shore,

to the other side

dripping with sweet honey

the absense of your presense,

a taste of sea water

a salty, bitter aftertaste

after a quench of water.

I lay quite still that night

fanning my inner light.

The day put it out some,

so I asked it to come

back and fill me again.

A star came to visit me,

told me to call her Angie.

"You're one of us," she though

And her starry thoughts brought

me to dreams again.

I journeyed far that night,

cradled in fractured light

left by the star

who's thoughts were not far

from my lucid brain.

My eyes are heavy and my heart is hollow,

my mind feels compressed as I have no dreams left to follow.

The blankets suffocate my feet with a warm yet umcomfortable feeling,

my arms are glued tight to the mattress as a wound is when it’s healing.

My pillow is stained from the mascara from the previous night,

I’ve left myself stranded. I can’t tell what is wrong, why don’t I feel right?

Just hours before I faced my friends with a big, bright smile.

It was fake though, it has been for a while.

Why don’t they notice when the colour has drained from my eyes?

Why don’t they ask me why I’ve hidden my sorrows with lies?

Do they not remember the person I used to be?

Do they not remember their old friend; me?

What’s the point, why should I keep trying?

There really is no reason that I should be denying,

that the old me is dead.

The paranoia pounds me, like a shot to the head.

Get up. Why bother? I have nothing to lose.

Wouldn‘t I be better off if I just drowned in my blues?

Even if I get up I’ll just be sleep walking,

and my subconscious will take over, and I’ll be auto pilot talking.

No one would notice if I didn’t leave my comfort zone,

because they aren’t the ones left lying here alone.

My thoughts stab my gut, telling me I have no place.

Maybe they‘re right. I’ll just quit the race...

But then I feel a sensation of joy,

and there on my floor sits patiently my good boy.

His eyes look at mine, and I know he sees my struggle.

He nudges forward, a good boy who gives the best cuddles.

And then I remember. My purpose. My only day’s important goal,

is getting out of bed to put food in my dog’s bowl.

your bruises have charming appearances

I never meant you harm or to disarm the

abuse that took away all of my defenses.

your words turn beauty to dust

and our bond once was trust

Now I’m drowning in the whispers

these tears can’t make me better

hurried memories scattered as if what we

had ever done together mattered

Blamed without an alibi

No way out with no defenses

My enemy is my friend

And our love was just a lie.

the scars you left me are enough for dissection

I see your eyes shining with desire,

so ghostly they reflect

Nothing but your dark empire

I’m inside your everything

adore my powerful soul

flare as you remain deflated alone

In the light gone cold.

Now we’re both in an explosion

at the edge of all

this time now that you have gone

and can only

be a stolen curse

show me how close you can come to winning

this dream of mine was a false universe.

imaginary and impossible

so they will lie amused at your downfall

as the lovers engage in a ritual

Laying down their intangible cures

tragic and helplessly entangled

This disaster that set in motion a

doomsday plan

For

an answer true

to a seance of fraudulent gypsies

in a chapter where it seems like the wind is just

blowing away at torn up pieces of my reality

And the past is all that I can see.