“Have Mercy on Me”
This morning I awoke to a stranger. They slept peacefully beside me. But I did not run nor did I panic. I have awaken to this stranger for almost a year now. Perhaps we aren't strangers anymore by that standard but by my own, they still were. I used to wake up after them all the time, now I wake up before them and they bother me five minutes into my morning routine. I let them have the room and the bathroom while I disappear into the kitchen hoping to eat breakfast fast enough that I won't have to run into them when they are done. When they appear before I'm done, I retreat into the office, the only other room where I can escape this stranger.
Everytime they kiss me goodbye or hug me close, I fight the urge to recoil and run back to the office. My saving grace is their late work hours and I get the freedom of being home alone. I remember before...before we were strangers, how I used to anxiously await their return. Now all I have are frantic glances at the clock, hoping they have to stay late. And when they return late, I don't dare ask what they've been doing.
Only a year ago did we become strangers. I still remember like it was yesterday. I stopped by their office. I really really shouldn't have. I had no business there. We'd promised we would not bother each other at work. But I broke the rule. I suffer the consquences. I live like a prisoner at home. Where to run where I can't be found? I knew that if I left I'd only live my life like I live for those few ticking waiting minutes of the day when I know they return. Knowing and waiting. At least in my own home, here alone, I know I am safe.
My only fear here at home is that when the stranger comes back they'll decide I'm not worth keeping around. If only they'd just toss me out. But I knew better than that. If I stayed home, I wouldn't end up in his office.
But this waiting, this fear, is eating me alive. I cannot live with this strange for much longer. If I don't die from my frayed nerves...perhaps I go visit their office again. Break the rule. And let them kill me.
The stranger would smile at me for a moment I'd see the face of my beloved one, before they became this stranger.
They'll say it is a mercy to me, to kill me like they killed all the others. And as I'd lay there, staring at all the blood that came before me, I'd smiled and nod and agree.
"Please, please have mercy on me."
#stranger #marriage #murder #murderer #mystery #suspence #drama #wife #fear #psychological #psychology
The Best Years of My Life
As I walk onto the campus,
Their words ring in my ears,
These are the best years of your life.
The first year I was new,
Too unsure to make new friends.
I'd let them come to me,
and when they didn't,
I'd just pretend.
The second year just came and went,
Passing all my classes.
I gained some friends that year though,
Thanks to my good grades and my glasses.
Junior year was hard,
Just like the seniors said,
When I get home,
I do my homework, do my chores,
Then I die in bed.
My last year was full of promise,
Looking to the future!
But then I look at all the scars,
That I got that in that short while.
So, I sigh.
As I walk onto the campus,
Their words ring in my ears anew,
These are the best years of your life.
My Mother Runs
My mother runs. Every morning, she wakes up at five, clothes herself, finds her phone and earphones, and goes for a run. One mile every day. One mile before work. I get tired just thinking of running like she does. But every morning, my mother runs.
My mother runs. Every time I ask about my father. Everytime I asked about my birthday. Everytime I look at the pictures. She’s afraid I’d notice. Notice the picture of my brown eyed father and his brown eyed mother. Notice the photo of my brown eyed mother and her blue eyed sister. My mother runs every time. My mother runs from the truths she hides from me.
My mother runs. Soon, I follow in her footsteps. She runs in the morning. I run at night. We cannot bear to look at one another. Only appearing when the other one is gone.
My mother runs. Now I run too. I run hard. I run fast. I run like the wind barks at my feet and the sidewalk falls away behind me. My mother runs from the monster at her heels. I run to find it. The monster runs with my mother. Is what my mother says. The monster holds fast, my mother says, and will never let her go.
My mother runs. But today she hasn’t left when I come down. My mother runs. But today she hold a picture. The picture of herself and her blue eyed sister. I sit. She sighs, no more running. Her brown eyes shimmer and my blue eyes already know.
My mother runs from the truth she couldn’t bear. That her blue eyed sister runs. Runs away from everything. Her sister runs from responsibility. Her sister runs from the future. Her sister runs from me. Her blue eyed sister runs away from everything.
My mother runs from her blue eyed sister. Whom she cannot bare to see. Her blues look just like mine and my mother will not let it be. She says her blue eyed sister runs. Runs for the past. Runs for her memories. Runs for a time before me. Her blue eyed sister runs because she blames her daughter. Her blue eyed sister runs because she is a monster.
My mother runs. To shield me. Hoping I would never see this blue eyed sister.
My mother runs after me. I run hard. I run fast. I run like my mother is behind me. I run until I spot her. Until I recognize her. Gym. Treadmill. Outside the glass. Blue eyes to blue eyes.
My mother runs.
#mother #running #family #daughter #familyissues
Anvivipossent (n) pronunciation: /ænvɪvɪpʌsent/
1. The feeling of remembering a place you have never been
Anvivipossentious (adj): /ænvɪvɪpʌsenʃʌs/ to have the feeling of remembering a place you have never been
Example: Simply thinking of a cottage she felt anvivipossentious of a life in the forest.
Every time she closed her eyes, she could see it,
A place so far away, but so comforting,
So familiar and homely,
But so out of reach.
Only a thought in her mind,
But, oh, could she feel it.
The brushing of leaves against the window,
The soft breeze caressed her cheeks as she left the bedroom window open,
The cold of the wood floor through her socks,
The creaking boards below.
It stirred in her heart,
This home so far away,
Anvivipossentious of a life,
My fingers brush across his soft black mane, his pained cry broke my heart further. I felt his pain and he felt mine. Champion was once my only comfort and now it was my turn to comfort him in his darkest hour. Champion's neighs made tears fall from my eyes like they had for John. I pressed my forehead to his large cheek, his breathing labored but his eyes looked to me and I into his. We both knew what was coming; he maybe be going now but we both knew I wouldn't be far behind, "Goodbye, my Champion."
Like a Lie
Every touch, every kiss, left like a lie. He knew it. I knew it. And yet here he was, kissing up my neck and caressing my hips. These lies we held between us wouldn't stop us. Every promise made in bed, another lie to bring us closer, together. We know this is where the line ends because by tomorrow in the AM he'll be going to work and I'll be going home.
At home, every word and every look was filled with knowing. Every good morning and goodbye could be our last. I never said a word and neither did he but we both knew better. And though we were always so close to being broken some night would bring us closer again. All the words I said, some were lies and some were truth. We'd both knew where I'd been and he loved me still.
I was living two lives and thought I could keep them both up. Even with my secret ways, we all knew what was going on. Every smile was a lie on both sides and a lie to myself. I could feel myself bursting at the edges. Neither was enough, never satisfied. I had all I wanted, both loved who I was even when my love wavered and veered in all directions.
Things got strange when one day, I came home and I found the two having conversations in my kitchen. And even though they knew of each other they hated the other. I stood there, conflicted and pulled every which way.
To rest my hands on my husband's shoulders? To kiss their cheeks? Who to kiss first?
I only saw one way to go. A smirk and a wink and they knew. A tie in each hand I lead the way. They share a look, I glance back. Now we can all get what we want. An equal share. No more secrets. No more wondering what happens while I'm away.
Now every touch and every kiss became my prayer. Even if lies poured from my lips for either, my two gods tried to love the sinner more than the other.
An Old But Stupid King
"I cannot stand for it, I cannot! This is absolute.." she scowled attempting to find the right word without insulting another royal, "agh," she scoffed waving her hand dismissal. There was no word to use that could be taken in good light.
"He does not think the masses will simply agree to this, does he? The entire kingdom will revolt and rebel!" She fell back heavily onto her seat, a thunderous thud echoed the room as her counsel looked on in worry. They feared the same thing.
The shifting of the counsel could be heard, an itch here a scoot there. Nervous fidgeting. "Kesil, that idiot!" she shouted, breaking the unbearable silence, "He's been planning this for years, that fool. He's going to run us into the ground, he'll ruin the alliance and force our hand to invade his land. It's like he's asking for it. Maharai, may you please update us on what laws King Kesil has decreed?" Her eyes fell to the tall, thin, nervous man who was tightly gripping his parchment. He didn't want to give her the news, though, he was certain she'd known what they were simply by word of mouth.
"Y-Yes, Your Highness," he said gravely, his voice was deep and raspy, and terribly tight as he read, it was nigh above monotone, but the queen was alright with it. Any other tone would only seem inappropriate.
"King Kesil of Grisham has decreed the following orders: he has banned trade with all foreign land, he has given permission to desecrate sacred land to build a center of commerce by the sacred Onyx River, he has forbidden any contact with those of Hath, he has allowed the royal guard to enforce their own rules, and lastly," Maharai glanced up at his queen and he pale a bit as she raised a brow at him to indicate continuing, "he has made alliance with Cannite."
Stunned silence met his ears, the only noise came from the clatter of the queen's chair, she was on her feet, leaning on the table with eyes filled with horror and disbelief. The ring of the chair against the stone floor that did not seem to stop ringing now. Tung, tung, tung.
"Cannite," the queen whispered with trepidation, "he has allied himself with those barbarians? The queen's face was pale, her red lips quivered with unspoken fury and fear.
"That is it," she said looking at the table, "that is the last straw. Send out messengers to each of the four kingdoms, Lark, Jezreel, Patterson, and Lakish, by overmorrow we are to meet at the Neutral Lands."
"For what purpose?" a voice asked from her left. She did not pay attention to who.
"To speak of the only solutions possible," she said looking to the heavens, "war."