Because of my illness I always felt sick.

Because of my illness I missed many classes.

Because of my illness I missed many parties.

Because of my illness I lost many friends.

Because of my illness I was always home.

Because of my illness I was crying as I showered.

Because of my illness I was given heartless labels.

Because of my illness I was in therapy for years.

Because of my illness I quit the sport I loved.

Because of my illness I feared the food keeping me alive.

Because of my illness I would run home from school crying.

Because of my illness I thought I was worthless.

One day, I finally realized that I am not my illness. My illness is with me, but it does not define me.

Because of my illness

I finally see

That there is more to life than simple "me".

Do you ever notice

The good people always dying

The ones who go beyond life

It doesn't make sense

Seems to me evil gets to live longer

The innocent vanish

The great beings parish

For no reason

Life seems backwards to me

Take the evil out

Let the good ones live

Maybe we should all be evil

An evil person always exceeds

Infiltrating the good with poison

While the good ones die 

K.j.a. (c) 2017

This ache in my bones

And this itch in my brain

Renders my skin crawling

With each broken refrain.

And I'm longing for a taste

Of the words you would free

So put pen to parchment, dearest

Because I'm ready to feed.

I remembering staring

At him and thinking

How lovely his eyes

Captured the sun like

Beautiful hot pools

Of honey while his

Body contained the

sun's radiating warmth.

He was just like the sun.

Dangerously beautiful.

I should've listened to my parents

And never played with fire.

But the closer I got to his flames,

The more I wanted to stay. I

Thought he was keeping me warm,

But he was only killing me from

The inside out. He never cared about

Anyone, but himself.

I don't understand

Why I looked the other way

Turning back with blind eyes

Seeing in you

A love I wanted so badly

That reality became a blur

All those times you pretended I wasn't there

Pretended our sunshine wasn't there

I thought I could fix it

And make you care

Until the yelling

The neglect

Turned into an abandoned family

In a vandalized home

I realized you being gone

Felt the same as you being there

I know that we deserve better

We have found better

Dull sounds of silence

breed its seeds

of apathy, caught

in downpour

of smog, veiling

absence of light,

weeping echoes

left behind,

hardened clay

without center,

dead trek

to nowhere,

hunting for hope.

Awe extinguished

as sun beats down.

You always keep me somewhere in between,

right where you know I'll always be when you need me.

I always fall for your safe kisses late at night

and all those times you pull me close and say

"this feels so right.”

But I fell too many times,

and I know I deserve more than being stuck in your game

of just another convenient late night friend.

Born amongst the winter months, when warmth is far forgotten

When life is but a rotten seed, or so I’ve thought so often

Grisly thoughts of memory past, which now so brightly loom

The wind brings mist from farther north, where I will be bound soon

What hath become of brighter days, with song and merry sight?

For now I roam through darkest crypts along this endless night

Where shadows grasp with lustful sights, to quell such dire want

Their glasses brim with foulest drops that turns the stomach daunt

What vile deed I abruptly struck for sternest punishment so

In all the years I’ve faced the worst, I’m still my darkest foe

And when the stars come crashing down upon my shaken frame

The man who comes to take the retched, will surely call my name

The bones do ache and nerves stay clenched, such age without the years

I’d hung my eyes from others sight, the gallows made of fears

Always less than those I’d gaze, and less than those I don’t

So cruel those gods who’d curse me so, so pray to them I won’t

No desire to lead the hearts of men, nor follow the brightest light

I’ll wander now, till sorrow comes, and all I’ll see is white…