I used to be a child

that wasn't afraid to drown

in her own sadness when she knew

that someone else was suffering more than her;

"Don't be afraid! I am here with you!" the child cried out

and prayed that the world would stop crying.

I used to be a teenager,

floating in the tears of hers and someone else's mixed together.

She didn't care whose, as long as she wasn't alone.

I used to be an adult -

I still am -

but my body feels old, my soul detached, and my prayers sound odd

that the rain against the windowpane makes me mad

and sad

and frustrated

and distressed

and confused

and depressed

and lonely

that I drown in the blankets in an aging room,

listening to the insufferable "pitter patter."

i.

throw me into the wolf pack,

i'm just the dog -

tail between my feet

afraid to show my teeth -

my snarl means mercy,

pity,

"please spare me."

ii.

threw me into the wolf pack

and my snarl snaps shut -

compared to mine

they shred the ghosts that

come into sight

and i'm afraid to see what's behind me.

iii.

out of the wolf pack

i thought i'd lead,

but fear only followed me -

i'm still the dog

with undecided teeth

that sheds blood against the skin

but not strong enough to hit the bone.

....

oh, who am i to fool?!

i'm just a dog biting myself out of misery.

i was never the same

when the sky fell

but our bodies were entangled 

and all i saw was the darkness of our skins

collapsed and falling

and the emptiness 

left in my chest

you had perpetrated -

the evil wound 

you dug in my skin 

with your nails

as i caress your cheek and

tell you 

that everything is alright

as the sky fell

you were never the same

when i said those evil words 

Inside us 

a universe

trembling, breathing,

overshadowed 

black holes 

threatening 

to take your life

but you must remember

outside us

made of 

molecular

stars

everything 

is created 

and

recreated 

because the stars

want to 

live

Lied to keep the lovers close

but never loved anyone so much

that the body overgrows the weeds

from neglect. "I can't see your heart - I can't love you."

Had nothing to offer from the start;

dropped out of lust - 

"You've lost taste."

I can destroy you;

but I play nice and fill your

empty body with lies, humming

a song of your disgrace

that you agonize

again 

           and 

                   again

                             and

                                      again.

I am the eighth sin 

that never existed; 

I am a lie that my 

seven siblings were guilty of telling