It was then that I knew

I’d never known you.

The eyes I’d thought

held me, were no more

Than a Stranger’s.

Staring back at my fall.

Each breath, broken,

Another scratch

on the record

of my Life’s Music

Each tear

Another shattered dream,

Dashed on the ground

With my heart.

Take me for a drive

Like the first drive

Like every drive with you

Always is.

Turn up your music

Put your hand on my thigh

Tell me all the things

Locked inside your mind.

I want to see the stars with you

And smell the breeze on your skin

Like I did the autumn night

When our story began.

To hold your hand,

And have you hold mine

Like fated lovers

Whose soul you did find.

I miss you

Every

Single

Moment

I

Spend

Wondering

If all this hope

And all this pain

Will be worth more

Than nothing

In the end.

My chest is filled with an ache I’m starting not to be able to hide from strangers.

This is scary.

My best ability is my ability to hide from people who don’t know me.

I’m slipping.

The churning in my stomach unnerving and I don’t know what to do.

I am lost.

The world won’t stop turning,

There’s no reprieve.

I want to go back home,

Dancing,

Just you and me.

I knew it would be everything I’d dreamed

To have you choose to dance with me.

Missed opportunities.

Shyness is my killer.

The feel of your hands in mine,

Leading me,

Step in, step out,

One two three,

You brush my chest,

I swear I’m flying.

You yank me in,

There’s nowhere else

I’d rather be.

Spin me out,

Spin me in,

Hold me tight,

And begin again.

I lay my head on the side of the bed

Where you rest yours.

Your hoodie is my blanket,

Held tight to my chest

Soaking in every phantom trace

Of you,

Of your scent,

Of your hair,

Anything trapped in these cold sheets.

Surrounding myself with pillows

And soft things

To feel like you’re next to me.

Your warmth isn’t here.

I want to come home.

Pine tree filtered moon beams

The smell of smoke on the wind

A chill that isn’t quite there

And stubble on your chin.

September, I remember,

The way it felt when we were there.

October,

my favorite memory

Of falling in love

At a haunted house.

They stumbled in

In a not-so casual,

Not-so quiet

Way.

Their words were honest

and open.

Vulnerable,

but not so subtle.

Sincerity are what their eyes convey.

Love is what their lips say.

“Take me”

“Please, take me”

“I want to be yours”

Bind my wrists behind my back

So I can’t see the blood

Trickle down my finger tips.

I’m angry.

Shaking.

Fighting against the darkness

As she stirs in my belly.

It’s frightening.

To think so much anger can be inside me.

Fueling rage

So hot, so destructive,

It is a pale white against my already pale skin.

It is the blood that flows down my wrist.

Hot.

Even though there is no cut.

There is no relief

From the heat inside my body,

Because my blood is in my veins.

Each pulse

A vivid reminder that this pain,

It is my anger,

And the hole it fills is now my song.

I’ve been screaming inside.

Trapped by my own lips.

By my own thoughts:

It’s nothing.

Let it go.

Move on.

Get over it.

It’s so hot...

I feel cold.

Dry.

Cracked.

Broken.

Dusty and damaged,

This barren wasteland

Of a heart.

Maybe one day

I’ll break it apart.

Set it ablaze,

So that something can grow.