Holding Back For Who?
Thirty drunken minutes later
The wave of emotions I was
Why does my mind betray me?
Everything I do should make me
happy and in place of that is
and completely forced
I don't feel alone because nobody
I feel alone because I don't want
anyone to touch me
hearing people speak makes me
the fact the I cannot not fake a
smile makes me hate myself.
I don't want to pretend anymore
I don't want to hide from others
I still want to hide from myself.
Give me strength
I fell a long way, down into the Abyss.
Came out anew. Crawled out from the depths into a different world. I could feel a surge rippling beneath me, tremors of ancient power.
A mirror's reflection, in eyes and glass, is the true deception. I am not the same underneath my skin suit. What would come of me, now that I could move the Earth? Pick up boulders like they were cotton balls.
Bend steel as a child would bend licorice.
I will not look my parents in the eye. They would see past the pale exterior and know I am not the thing that was birthed by them. What tales would their eyes tell as they gazed upon my becoming?
I thought I could bring order to chaos. I thought I could be made whole.
A human bone is strong, durable. To my hands it becomes chalk, a burst of white powder the spreads across the air like the baker's flour table as he slams his fists upon raw dough.
He laughed at me. Cracked his chapped lips apart and howled out guffaws. A song bird chirping beneath the paw of a bear.
I made quick work of him, crushed his bones until chalk dust poured out of his body. Dead twigs snapping beneath feet.
I hope I find the strength to stop myself.
"It's always that easy. The problem is, you don't want to bury it."
Lock it away, seal the case,
never let it surface or touch your face,
a simple caress, a broken sigh,
it's about time you've said goodbye.
A memory pressed against my cheeks,
I haven't heard from him in weeks,
it throbs, it hurts, it makes me cry,
why won't this incessant feeling die?
Living, breathing, beating soul,
why must you hurt me so?
Please rid me of this tattered heart,
mend me, lest I fall apart.
Burn it, ban it, kill it now,
these feelings you must disavow,
with fragile lips you kiss farewell,
may these pains part ways from me in Hell.