i come to you first

in all things, and i am

warm and wanting.

there is no hour

i do not think of you, and no room

in which i do not wait.

does that even compare

to the long black telescope of night

and the moon in her moon-cage?

without the guise

of dispassion, immutability,

come to me.

i am warm and wanting.

inside a sparrow's heartbeat, and in each

quiet place i wait.

—love is dead. The slow

red rush, & in the absence of love we

raise steel walls

& castanet airs to dance

by. Love is gone

& all tenderness faded,

& in its place castles of knowing

in which we

pass our time from

hand to hand.

Hands which once pressed

earth into the shape of men & earth

into bowls for holding

nothing but sound, between sound

silence, melodic, & if dissonance

then beauty in dissonance as well, but always

the bowl,

shaped by hands,

made of earth & music

for lovers to dance by, & when the age

of dancing passed, to mourn by, & the when the age

of mourning passed, to burn

& lie in death.

Together, we’re

beer and a fight

sirens in the night

poverty and crime

poor and doing time

contempt and spite

dry ice and sprite

get out of the way

why would I stay?

I’m leaving

forever.

He gets things done

Sees and follows

his goals, plans—

and many~ dreams.

So hard-working

inspires me for sure!

most dear friend

who I’ve known for ages.

Him, incredible musician•

artist, unlike any other

knows what he wants,

and I truly admire that.

#Amazing.

How have you gone so far?

Yet statyed so close?

Night after night at a bar,

you’re sat ’til dusk,

drinking woes away.

You said together forever,

but why won’t you stay?

This heart of mine is lonely.

So spread out across the state

my heart can’t take it,

and my mind is full of hate

for once because of this.

Once upon a time we were one,

but now a split has come

and my heart is none

without someone like you.

I forgot to tell you

about your appointment on the fifth,

about the leftovers in the fridge,

and the bills yet to be paid.

I forgot to tell you

that the sex was getting stale,

that I’d found a marriage counsellor

and that we should go on holiday.

I even forgot to tell you

that you left your phone at home this morning

and that I was eating breakfast when it buzzed;

that “Lydia xoxo” has a rockin' bod

and that I can see why you like her, spunky as she seems.

I forgot to tell you anything at all—

I was too busy leaving.

.......

#challenge

#whatIforgottotellyou

#fiction

#shortfiction

you meet her. you meet her

& your heart beats so hard

it breaks on impact.

even knowing her, even

touching her hand, you see the end

coming restlessly like time.

there is so much of you

inside her. what is left if she

takes it & runs?

you envision angels with

their hearts on fire & try to

visualise that pain,

& explain it to her so

she understands, so she knows

how she should stay.

when she finally lets go, you

experience loss you never read about.

so deep it is immeasurable.

grief that cannot be felt,

but only carried.

I shouted your name

In a fireworks display

I could hear my own heart beat

Dragging my leg

More useless weight

But no one cared to see

You were looking up

For rockets and love

I could tell that you were free

It’s days like this

Oh in these times

That no one cares to be

If we found love

If we called it a life

I’m not sure what’s still clear

I can’t do another night

Dinning under Roman candle light

With a centerpiece

Of freshly cut tears

Staring at my pillow through my blurred vision and my face streaming with endless tears yet again

I think to myself “why do I love somone who just keeps hurting me”?

Why do I keep doing this over and over again? When do I draw the line?

When do I let go of the hope that twists and turns in my heart?

The hope that maybe one day things would be different

Things would be right

But they won’t, they never will

There will always be lies,

other girls,

temptation

There will be pretending, there will be manipulating

There will always be that memory of knowing I wasn’t pretty enough,

I wasn’t fun enough,

or good enough

When he says he loves me

but sneaks around when im not there

Is that love?

Does he love me when he lies?

Does he love me when he is laughing, holding hands with another?

Does he love me when he plays with my mind?

Does he love me when he rips my heart to shreds

You say you have "paid your dues" and apologized to me

Does saying "Sorry" undo what you have done?

Does saying "Sorry" make up for all the times you made me feel worthless?

Does saying "Sorry" justify your unfaithfulness?

Must I forgive you yet again and have the same thing happen again?

I may have been niave then, but I can see right through that act you put on

Stop pretending..please...let my torture end

Where you pretend to be passionately in love with me

And as soon as I look away you've got another

It's just a game to you, isnt it?

All the world is your stage

And you string on hearts like puppets

Do you really know what love is?

Do you Really know?

I dont think you understand at all

All I've ever done was love you

And all you've ever done was hurt me

You dont hurt the people you love

You once told me that “we are one”

I didn’t believe you at all.

It has always been “work for everything and it’ll be yours.”

Don’t except gifts because they aren’t free.

Don’t expect to get things to get handed to you so easily. Always expect an ulterior motive behind a gift.

Learned behavior from my parents that’s what I’ll call it.

In and out of divorce I watch these people love and fall out of it.

Stability and structure is what I lacked growing up.

But now I have you I’ve realized that I have something so special.

Before I didn’t understand you every time you told me we are one.

Every time you told me “we are one” I wanted to run, I was afraid of what my parent’s had experienced once.

Until now I get it. You have shown me something I’ve never had or witnessed.

We are one.

I believe you now.

We are better together than apart.

We both bring out better versions of ourselves.

How everything I have is yours and how everything you have is mine. Loving you has shown me love in a different way. Loving you has shown me that my future doesn’t have to be similar to my parents. Loving you has shown me that we can do this until the day we die. But also hope that in another life we can do it again because...

We are one and I don’t ever want it any other way.