
guise
i come to you first
in all things, and i am
warm and wanting.
there is no hour
i do not think of you, and no room
in which i do not wait.
does that even compare
to the long black telescope of night
and the moon in her moon-cage?
without the guise
of dispassion, immutability,
come to me.
i am warm and wanting.
inside a sparrow's heartbeat, and in each
quiet place i wait.
LOVE IS DEAD
—love is dead. The slow
red rush, & in the absence of love we
raise steel walls
& castanet airs to dance
by. Love is gone
& all tenderness faded,
& in its place castles of knowing
in which we
pass our time from
hand to hand.
Hands which once pressed
earth into the shape of men & earth
into bowls for holding
nothing but sound, between sound
silence, melodic, & if dissonance
then beauty in dissonance as well, but always
the bowl,
shaped by hands,
made of earth & music
for lovers to dance by, & when the age
of dancing passed, to mourn by, & the when the age
of mourning passed, to burn
& lie in death.
My Heart
How have you gone so far?
Yet statyed so close?
Night after night at a bar,
you’re sat ’til dusk,
drinking woes away.
You said together forever,
but why won’t you stay?
This heart of mine is lonely.
So spread out across the state
my heart can’t take it,
and my mind is full of hate
for once because of this.
Once upon a time we were one,
but now a split has come
and my heart is none
without someone like you.
GOODBYE
I forgot to tell you
about your appointment on the fifth,
about the leftovers in the fridge,
and the bills yet to be paid.
I forgot to tell you
that the sex was getting stale,
that I’d found a marriage counsellor
and that we should go on holiday.
I even forgot to tell you
that you left your phone at home this morning
and that I was eating breakfast when it buzzed;
that “Lydia xoxo” has a rockin' bod
and that I can see why you like her, spunky as she seems.
I forgot to tell you anything at all—
I was too busy leaving.
.......
#challenge
#whatIforgottotellyou
#fiction
#shortfiction
[messiah]
you meet her. you meet her
& your heart beats so hard
it breaks on impact.
even knowing her, even
touching her hand, you see the end
coming restlessly like time.
there is so much of you
inside her. what is left if she
takes it & runs?
you envision angels with
their hearts on fire & try to
visualise that pain,
& explain it to her so
she understands, so she knows
how she should stay.
when she finally lets go, you
experience loss you never read about.
so deep it is immeasurable.
grief that cannot be felt,
but only carried.
Sometime In July
I shouted your name
In a fireworks display
I could hear my own heart beat
Dragging my leg
More useless weight
But no one cared to see
You were looking up
For rockets and love
I could tell that you were free
It’s days like this
Oh in these times
That no one cares to be
If we found love
If we called it a life
I’m not sure what’s still clear
I can’t do another night
Dinning under Roman candle light
With a centerpiece
Of freshly cut tears
12:12am
Staring at my pillow through my blurred vision and my face streaming with endless tears yet again
I think to myself “why do I love somone who just keeps hurting me”?
Why do I keep doing this over and over again? When do I draw the line?
When do I let go of the hope that twists and turns in my heart?
The hope that maybe one day things would be different
Things would be right
But they won’t, they never will
There will always be lies,
other girls,
temptation
There will be pretending, there will be manipulating
There will always be that memory of knowing I wasn’t pretty enough,
I wasn’t fun enough,
or good enough
When he says he loves me
but sneaks around when im not there
Is that love?
Does he love me when he lies?
Does he love me when he is laughing, holding hands with another?
Does he love me when he plays with my mind?
Does he love me when he rips my heart to shreds
You say you have "paid your dues" and apologized to me
Does saying "Sorry" undo what you have done?
Does saying "Sorry" make up for all the times you made me feel worthless?
Does saying "Sorry" justify your unfaithfulness?
Must I forgive you yet again and have the same thing happen again?
I may have been niave then, but I can see right through that act you put on
Stop pretending..please...let my torture end
Where you pretend to be passionately in love with me
And as soon as I look away you've got another
It's just a game to you, isnt it?
All the world is your stage
And you string on hearts like puppets
Do you really know what love is?
Do you Really know?
I dont think you understand at all
All I've ever done was love you
And all you've ever done was hurt me
You dont hurt the people you love
All this time I didn’t know...
You once told me that “we are one”
I didn’t believe you at all.
It has always been “work for everything and it’ll be yours.”
Don’t except gifts because they aren’t free.
Don’t expect to get things to get handed to you so easily. Always expect an ulterior motive behind a gift.
Learned behavior from my parents that’s what I’ll call it.
In and out of divorce I watch these people love and fall out of it.
Stability and structure is what I lacked growing up.
But now I have you I’ve realized that I have something so special.
Before I didn’t understand you every time you told me we are one.
Every time you told me “we are one” I wanted to run, I was afraid of what my parent’s had experienced once.
Until now I get it. You have shown me something I’ve never had or witnessed.
We are one.
I believe you now.
We are better together than apart.
We both bring out better versions of ourselves.
How everything I have is yours and how everything you have is mine. Loving you has shown me love in a different way. Loving you has shown me that my future doesn’t have to be similar to my parents. Loving you has shown me that we can do this until the day we die. But also hope that in another life we can do it again because...
We are one and I don’t ever want it any other way.