I’m surrounded by nothing but trees. Trees that seem to be looking at me. Trees that look as if they are mocking me. I swear I have passed by the same tree multiple times. In a forest, one would think there would be sound. One thinks birds, deer, but here, there is nothing. This silence is going to my head. In this silence, I hear a voice telling me, begging me “turn left. Go straight. Help me.” I hear my name. I hear laughter. But with all of this, I hear nothing. “It is all in my head,” I try to say. “This isn’t real. This isn’t real. Please, God, tell me this isn’t real,” I whisper to myself, fearing that the trees might be listening. I wander around these woods for what feels like hours, but probably has only been minutes. I can’t see the sun, yet there is light. Not a lot of light, but just enough to where I can see that there is a never ending mess of trees surrounding me. I feel caged in.

As I’m walking, I hear and see a child running. I yell to the child “help me, please, I beg of you. Where am I? Please, stop running from me,” but the child kept running. The little girl’s voice is so sweet and innocent. It almost sounds like she is singing, but I'm not close enough to hear the words. I walk here, in these dark woods, hearing the voice of this child, and I’m terrified. I can hear it getting louder. I hear the words of this child’s song and start to sing along. “The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky. And also on the faces of people passing by,” the girl would sing. I’m getting closer to her. As I turn the corner around the tree, I see her. The girl, is me. That’s impossible! I’m here! I turn around to look at her again, and she is gone. I scream as loud as I can, “help me! Please! Anyone! I want to go home!” but no one can hear me. The girl appears. She is to my left now. I kneel down and ask her “can you help me? I don't know why I am here. I, I can’t remember,” but she said nothing. Instead, she points to my right and runs left. As I walk to the right, where she pointed, I feel an immense sense of pain from both within my mind and on my physical body. A mix of emotions between fear, anger, happiness and sadness. Confusion, with a hint of relief. As I look around and see nothing but trees, I curl up into a ball and wait for the woods to consume me.

“Help us! Andy, please!” they are screaming. I want to help. I search everywhere, but I find no one because there is no one! It is all in my head. All of this is in my head! Why? Why me? I never wanted this. I never wanted any of this. I search the woods for what feels like years, but has only probably been minutes! The voices get louder. “I can’t help you! Get out of my head!” I shout and cry as if I was going to get an answer. I need to rest, but I’m scared that if I fall asleep, I won’t wake back up. As I stumble along the woods, I start to think that maybe this is all just a dream. If I sleep here, maybe I will wake up back at home. I finally fell asleep, but didn't go anywhere. I dreamt that I’m in the same woods. The same trees. The same voices. The same silence. I followed the directions the voices gave me. “Go left. Stop! Right. Straight. Look at me!” they would yell. I found them! The voices. I came across people. Live people. Speaking people. Real people. I took a step closer, and they scream. They scream at themselves. They scream at each other. They scream at God. They scream at me. “You did this,” one yelled at me. I watched with excitement as they magically turned into trees! Their faces looked like the ones I saw when I first wandered my way into these woods. I wake up to find that my dream, was no longer a dream. The voices are all around me.

I stand up, looking at all the different voices. They all have a unique pitch and tone to them. They aren’t screaming though. I hear them crying. I hear them calling my name. “Andy,” they would say “come closer, Andy.” I would try to find them, but they are gone. I close my eyes and think, and I see them! I opened my eyes expecting to see one of the voices, but it’s just a tree. I walk closer to the tree and see little me. “Hello little me. How might you be?” I ask, laughing at how my question rhymed. “You can’t leave. They won’t let you. We need you,” she replied. A cold shiver runs down my back as I am reminded that I am lost. I can’t take it! These woods have a way of getting to me.

I grab the little girl by her shirt and shake her. I yell “why are you doing this to me! What did I do to deserve this!” She looks me dead in the eyes and starts to laugh demonically. I shake her harder and throw her to the ground. She doesn’t budge. She is still laughing. The voices start to laugh too. “You can’t leave. No one can leave,” they say scattered. I run and look back to see the little girl slowly waving goodbye while still demonically laughing. I run until I physically can’t run. Eventually, I collapsed, but I can hear the voices. I hear a branch crack and look in that direction. I see children running. I counted by how many colors I saw. First three, then four, and then five. They are all laughing like the other. Too weak to get up, I crawl into a bush and hide. They are each saying something, but I don’t understand because they are all saying speaking at the same timet. All I know is that it is getting louder, and louder. Closer and closer to where I am hiding. I can’t take this anymore! I gather enough strength and crawl out from the bush. I look around and there are no children. They are gone. The only thing in front of me is a noose hanging from a tree made out of a bunch of colorful children’s scarfs. One of which belonged to little me.

I walk towards it. There is no wind. The trees are silent but watching. As I grab the scarf that belonged to little me, I see her. She is crying and mumbling to herself. I take a knee and just listen to her. “You did this to me. Why couldn’t you just be happy? Why couldn’t you just smile a bit longer? Why did you let the voices in?” she is saying. Not knowing what to do, I slowly crawl towards her. I tell her “Everything is going to be okay. We can do this. We will get out.” She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and said “Why do you lie to me? You have said those same words how many times? There is only one way out,” she points to the noose of scarfs, “it’s the only way out.” She takes my hand and walks me closer to the noose. I stand on the root of the tree as she helps me tighten it around my neck. I hear her crying. She whispers to herself what sounds like words of reassurance, but I can't quite make out what she is saying. All I know for sure is that she is afraid. Her hands are shaking. She is scared. “It’s all going to be ok. I am going to make this all ok. It’ll feel like floating. It’ll be quick. They won’t even know. I want to feel happy. This is happy,” she mumbled as she steps back from the knot. From me. As she is stepping back, I look at her in the eyes and watch as she slowly closes them. We both breathe in slowly, count to three, and then jumped together. We let go.

I wake up. I’m alive, but how? I feel my neck, but nothing is there. I am in a white gown on the floor. All I see is white. I walk around and count four white walls. No windows. Nothing but four white walls caging me in. I start to scream and pound on the walls, “Let me out! Please! I just want to go home!” I hear a loud noise as a door from one of the walls opens. There is a lady in the doorway. She looks shocked to see me. I don’t care. I pushed her to the side and run for the exit. I see light. I run through another door and I am outside. The lady doesn’t chase after me. “Andy, it is okay,” she says. I look out over the cliff and she walks towards me. She stands next to me and says “You always loved to look out at the forest from here.” “Who are you?” I reply. “You will remember soon,” she says smiling. I look down and I see color through the tree branches. The colors look familiar. I start to count. I count first three, then four, then five. The children from the woods. “Why are there children in there?” I ask the lady. “What children? There are no children here,” she says. I look at her, and back behind her right shoulder is little me in the same white gown as I. I tell the lady “Then who is that!” “Andy, there is no one there.” Little me walks towards me slowly and comes to a stop next to the lady. “Welcome home.”

Time is currently 8:07pm. I just got into an argument with my boyfriend about smoking in our livingroom. He stormed out and left to a friends place, so now Im alone.

I cant help to think about how we have been dating for almost a year My oh my how time has flown. I remember back to our awkward first meetings just as friends and then the super awkward meetings as lovers. The first night, he invited me over alone to watch a movie. We were bothed shocked that after being friends for a year and hanging out in groups that it was now just us. Alone. In his room. Watching a movie.

Now, Im alone. Only difference is he's with friends and Im just here.

Isnt it strange how we think we have an understanding of things, but later find out everything we thought was wrong. How our minds can be so confident in thinking that this is it until we are faced with a situation or person that completely throws that off and then bam, right back to square one: knowing nothing.

I wish that I could smile without having to practice in a mirror before hand

A Lost Star

I remember the first hug you gave me out of joy

Second grade

You made it to the art show

Your smile made me smile for weeks

That night we went to the park

The one across the street

You loved to sit on the top of the tallest slide

It was our tower

We sat there until your mom called you home

I remember looking into your eyes

Blue like the morning sky

Visible even in the dark of the night

You were my day in the night

I remember the first hug you gave me out of fear

Fifth grade

We were walking home

We both missed the bus

There was fresh snow with more falling down

You were slipping

Your eyes were wide with fear

You were falling

But I caught you

You held onto me so tight

You wouldn’t let go until we got to the park

We stayed there

We didn’t go home until 11:30pm that day

You wanted to see the stars

The stories you would tell me

The more alive the stars became

I remember the first hug you gave out of sadness

Junior year

You got called down to the office

We were in history class

When you came back

I saw you fall to the ground

I couldn’t catch you

You fell so fast I couldn’t get out of my chair in time

The teacher let me sit with you in the hallway

No words came out of your mouth

All you did was hug me

Hugged me so tight

I couldn’t breathe

But you needed me and I was not going to let you go

You passed me a note

Asking to meet

I had to sneak out that night

But I got to see you

You asked if I remembered the stories you told about the stars

The knights of the night

I couldn’t forget

You brought the stars to life

You tried to hide your tears

With eyes like lights seen from miles away

They were impossible to conceal

The moon had pulled the ocean from your eyes

In a panic, I hugged you

I hugged you out of fear

I hugged you with everything I had

I hugged you to tell you I loved you

You laid in my arms on top of the slide

Wanting to hear a story using the stars

Just like you had done before

So I told a story

The story of the two kids

The two kids who would search the world

For answers to life’s greatest wonders

Falling asleep in my arms

I carried you home

Before I let you go

You hugged me like never before

The emotion unexplainable

It was confusion

It was sadness

It was love

And it was the last

I remember the last hug you gave me

Little had I known at the time it would be the last

Had I known

I would have told you how much I adored you

But you weren’t at school the next day

Your mother didn’t answer the door

Your father didn’t return my calls

You were gone

We are all ugly pineapple who wish to one day become the majestic potato, but will never reach potato greatness. With the beautiful yellow that is the pineapple, how can the potato stand a chance? Once you look beyond the dirt cover and the dull colors, you will see that the potato has more to offer than the pineapple. Strive to be the potato

Do you ever look at someone and go “That’s the one”? For me, that moment is right now as I am watching the love of my life dance her heart out. With a bottle of Smirnoff Sour in one hand and a “microphone” (a pen) in the other, I have never felt so in love. Every once in awhile she sits to grab a “cinnamon crunchy” (cinnamon twist from Taco Bell) while smiling at her socks with tacos on them. When she is finally too tired to dance and her cinnamon crunchies are gone, she grabs her tortilla blanket, yawns “I am a sleepy burrito” and I tuck her into bed. It’s times like these that I know she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

When life gives you lemons, give them back. Look for oranges instead. Lemons will come and go all throughout your life. Oranges on the other hand will not be given easily. Keep those.

I know its always there

Hence why I live in the middle of nowhere

I wont touch it nor go near

For here is my fear

I dont fear the shore

I dont fear what is in it

I fear the water itself

And have for quite a bit

I feel like a complete stranger

Or a ghost

Im surrounded by people

Who dont even see me

Notice me

I feel my body wanting to scream

Just to be acknowledged

But I wont

What will it change?

Itd just be another

Paranormal activity for them

Shocked for a second

Laughed off the next

And then they'll ignore it again