The afternoon shines a soft glow on his weathered and somewhat handsome face. His gray hair is a little disheveled but not to the point you would consider him an unkempt man. His eyes are piercingly blue. I looked at them for a longer moment and my extremities felt their frigidness. His aspect is of a gentleman from a bygone era. He sits with his back erect and legs crossed. His hands have bulging veins and are considerably graceful; they are disconcertingly inviting and seem so comforting.

The shattering irony crushes my wits. I had yearned for him so many times throughout my journey...

I take another sip of my coffee. Interesting how things taste differently when you are conscious it’s the last time you are having them. Strangely enough, it does not taste better. I am having difficulty swallowing for it feels like a rock is going down my throat. Nonetheless, I want to take every single sip and finish my whole cappuccino as if it’s my self-imposed purgatory.

He patiently waits and mumbles while twiddling his fingers on the table and his head slowly turns around sweeping his surroundings with his gaze. ‘You know this is inevitable now, right?’, he says without even looking at me. Yes, yes, I do know. I nod with my head. Words just escape me and my voice is silent… There is a disconcerting understanding between us that goes beyond language. It is almost as if we have been friends all of my life. His posture actually reveals a certain respect towards my situation. Just as soon as I made life my ally, he comes telling me it is time to retreat.

There was a moment I regarded my existence insignificant. And here is the plot twist – the sole purpose of my odyssey has been to find the significance of ME and now that I am in peace with what I have attained, it is time to walk down the aisle.

I stare at him and with reluctant conviction finally offer my hand. He seemed distracted up to then, but his half smile is wicked now. I slurp what’s left of my coffee just before he touches my hand. We both slowly stand up whilst I take a quick look back at all I am leaving behind. I calmly arrange the crease on the back of my skirt and when my head turns up, my eyes meet with his defiant, but gentle glare. We start walking hand in hand and amidst the whirlwind that are my thoughts; this one dominates the rest and throbs in my head: this end feels more like I am just beginning.

Am I a coward who can't face

The daily struggles from the moment I open my eyes or

Am I so courageous that in spite of this heavy unwillingness, I still rise every morning and face these mundane and almost ludicrous tasks?!

What is this?

Why is this so hard for me?

What is the ultimate purpose for this constant fight?

What for and for what?

Everything will inevitably end

Just like all roads lead to an end

A precipice?

A wall?

I would jump if I only knew the fear would cease

I would smash my face with all my might if I only knew the ache would stop

I am ready!! READY, you hear?!

So, please, come and take me

End this unforgiving battle

I am weary

I’ve cried many times

But never like this

I’ve felt loss before

But never like this

I’ve had sad news before

But never like this

I will never forget

I will always remember

Sometimes it’s sad – other times, happy

Your way of walking

How funny your jokes were

How you used to call me

How much you knew about everything

How you spanked me once or twice

How you liked to walk holding my hands

How your big strong hand felt on mine

Your smell and how good looking you were

I will never forget

And sometimes I wonder

Was I ever a disappointment

Have I ever made you proud

None of it matters now

I just wish you knew how much I always loved you

And how much I admired you

Because I’ve met many men

But never one quite like you

I finally made life

My ally

Tranquility settled in

And this peace so onerous to achieve

A friend I so ardently want to keep

Is it out of malice, Death, you come now?

I am not scared; never was

I invited you before

Once or twice

Such a plot twist

This mockery of my odyssey

I will now accompany you

With a resigned snicker

For the time to part arrives

When the desire to leave ceases

Sometimes I surrender

Inebriation conceals this shame

A fear so omnipresent the knees tremble

Daylight will come again

The demon will resurface

It is in my reflection

This secret a load I haul

Constantly

If ever unveiled

Reproach inevitable

My peccability

So grotesque

This burden my companion

The accomplice of my permanent

Disguise

So sometimes I surrender

Inebriation shrouds my reality

For this guilt corrodes

And one day I will retreat

And then

Perish

There she stands holding the fruit offered to her

Her hand delicately gripping it not wishing to mar it in anyway

Her gaze is of almost veneration with a hint of mischief

Her luscious lips touch the velvety skin and

Then her teeth ferociously yet tenderly sink in

Her eyes close in ecstasy while

The juice oozes out of the corner of her

Enticing mouth

The tantalizing meat is exposed after

That scrumptiously satiating bite

I relish the sight!

I lust to become the

Source of such everlasting titillation