No, no,

This wasn't how it was supposed to be!

I fell in love again.

The virgin oath I took,

It wavers by the hook.

I love him, yes,

But I took an oath swearing that I will

Never fall in love,

Never again.

Perhaps only time will tell, this petty oath...

Perhaps a chance on love is all that holds true--

But I still remember my virgin oath:

To stay sober and wise.

And to remember that:

"Idle hands lend to lustful hands,"

If I may coin the phrase.

Thus, busy hands lead to clean hands--

And none of this lovey dovey business.

But even so,

I remember the banquet party where we met:

Attraction at first sight--

Numbers exchanged on second sight--

And lo here he is that

We meet again!

A chance for something more I sense--

But I cannot-- I will not--

No, it is forbidden!

This pains me so...

For I am no madonna to be taken so,

But a virgin in reconstruction,

Waiting for my eventual death!

And thus, my desires come to an end...

But is that how I really want to live my life?

To live the slow, painful, an almost masochistic way of life?

A slow, painful death, full of mild desire

At the ends of my fingertips and lips--

I'd rather be like the moth in Archy's poem,

and die being "burned up with beauty,"

and be happy... if only for a moment.

You know not what I now know.

Ignorance is fatal,

Susceptible and naive.

Knowledge is torture,

Gnawing and heavy.

I sought greatness.

What are fame and fortune to a scholar?

I had questions,

I found answers.

Honesty breaks what lies do not,

Secrets were meant to be kept.

Like Frankenstein I pushed too far,

Like Caesar I fell.

Like Napoleon I met my end,

Like a king I lost my crown.

Knowledge was not meant for men,

A treasure to be sought.

Knowledge is the only thing,

That can unveil those truly corrupt.

Oooh! Ride the roller coaster of intoxication

throw your dollars on beckoning roulette wheel

buy some junk bonds, throw them in your closet

keep your heart in your mouth for the plunge

and the stock market passions arising ever higher.

You’re on a magic carpet of exhilarating roll,

peaking before fall of no return spades your wallet

seedy men in spiffed up jackets shoveling money

into their coffers before resounding closing bell.

Buy low, sell high they chant in overpowering chorus

I watch in horror as my no-load fund tumbles

Secondary bond portfolio is worthless, crumbles

ever downward into bottomless abyss as I hang on

worthless certificates which are just scraps of paper.

The promised land eludes me once again as I dissolve

puddle on littered floor of instant wealth fantasies.