I forgot to tell you

I saw him today

That boy we both knew

One long, hot summer

When all we were

Was bare feet

And blue bikinis

And big young smiles

I forgot to tell you

That he stopped me today

He hasn't changed much

The sun still favors him

And his golden hair

And large expanse

Of tan skin

I forgot to tell you

That I knew him

Knew the lips

That knew us both

But knew me

Much, much better

I forgot to tell you

That he taught me

To sleep under the stars

And was the first

To call me beautiful

I forgot to tell you

That he was the first

To steal from me

Without an apology

I forgot to tell you

I thought I loved him

And he loved me

I forgot to tell you

He changed me

I forgot to tell you.

I'm not sure why every leaf must die,

Why every sun must set and disappear,

Or even why every love must fade away.

I wish I didn't know that everything ends,

Even you, even me, even us,

Even every leaf

On that damn tree you carved us into

Must die

And I'd be lying if I said I had any clue why.

But I know one day

It'll just be winter

It'll just be night

It'll just be lonely

It'll just be nothing

Because even every leaf must die.

She falls in love,

As often as he falls

In bed with strange women,

She kisses with passion,

And he only with intent,

Their collision will be catastrophic,

The classic tale

Of the good girl and the bad boy,

She falls in love,

And he falls in lust,

And trust me, he always wins the game,

And down, down she goes

I don't know,

I don't know

What you see

When you look at me,

Do I look frail, fragile,

Or easily broken?

Do you see the smile I wear,

Or beneath that

To the pain I bear?

Do I look calm?

It takes a while,

To notice the scars,

That line my palm.

She was fierce and loyal,

But all over lost and broken,

Her heart was a mess

Of bloody wounds and stitches,

And her appearance

Consisted of fake smiles,

Painted to look real.

I'm living a life that's not entirely my own,

I make decisions that I can't control,

I see the world flashing past,

And I feel myself lagging behind,

But I can't catch up,

And apparently no one can hear my screams,

My mind and I are battling

In a constant war where no one gets the upper hand,

And often enough my heart joins in,

And I'm falling apart.

I'm living a life that's not completely my own,

I talk to people I'd rather not,

I kiss men I wish I didn't,

I fall in love with others

That I know are meant only

To break my heart and tear my soul,

But even when I meet a man

I know will treat me right,

Still I choose the bad boy,

And I'm falling apart.

I'm living a life that's not at all my own,

I try too hard to please people I don't like,

My smiles are more often fake than they are real,

I've mastered the art of the false laugh,

I know better than anyone

How to say, "I'm fine" when I'm obviously not,

I know only to cry in the shower

Where no one will know

And the water washes away the evidence

And I'm falling apart.

I'm not living a life,

My mind has gone blank,

And my heart has stopped working

And all I know,

All I know

Is that the pain is good,

The pain helps,

And no one will ever notice,

I don't want them to know,

I've fallen apart.

I'm not living a life on my own,

I have someone who checks for marks,

And another who's always there to talk,

The voices in my head are growing quiet,

And my heart is slowly being mended,

I've started to smile for real,

And express genuine emotion,

I'm learning that it's okay that I'm not fine

And sometimes it's good to cry,

And I'm putting myself back together.

I stare

At the

Cracked

Mirror

At my

Dirty

Reflection

At my

Smeared

Red lipstick

And

Dripping mascara

The sound

Of the

Rain

On the roof

Fails to

Drown

My

Screaming

Thoughts

Kissing

In the

Rain

Isn't as

Glorious

As it

Seems

At night

When the darkness

Seeps in around me,

And I'm all alone

With my thoughts,

The truth creeps out

From that cave

It spent the day hibernating in,

And whispers in my ear

All the things

I've lied to myself about,

And don't think

I don't know they're lies,

In the daylight

I can delude myself,

But the stars

They confront me

They say,

"You're not over him."

And I know

I know

But when the sun rises,

And he's with her,

And I'm with you

I smile and ask,

"Who could ever

Love someone

Like him?"

And you don't know the difference,

And I don't know the difference

I burn

Strong

Like a wild

Flame

And you

Reek of

Gasoline

We both

Know

We're bad

For each other

But even so

We're addicted

To how much

Brighter

We burn

Together