Don’t light the fire
don't light the fire,
the moon screams hysterically
crying the death of
wounds open and close
hurting and healing
stinging under the nails
that ruthlessly dig deeper
mute the twisted emotion
no more hating, no more loving
no more crying over dead flowers
blooming in the dead ashes of
abandoned coffee cups
blossoms of poison
explode under the red blanket
grab your guitar and
escape its chains.
1 July 2021
Yes, I got one more day here. And another here so here I go
I went on a music spree. I found some really cool metal vibes in a kpop girl group, Dreamcatcher, and am addicted to their sounds. I love metal since a few months ago and now that I found this stuff I am, of course, replaying that shit too much for me to comprehend a certain number. The violence, the guitar, the lyrics, the aesthetics, everything, man just everything.
I am also going through a phase where I can't stop listening to Russian music with way too much swearing. Dunno, might be a consequence of strict parents who don't allow such a behaviour, and I understand why they would feel like this but there is one possibility of it influencing me as a whole. Morgenshtern is the artist I'm binging at the moment. I swallow the rythm, overindulge in the bass and the abstract beat behind his songs. I have all the ideas that this stuff isn't something that would benefit me on a mental level but at the same moment I don't care about it. I am inclined to say it's a relief from intense mental activity but I won't, knowing that I don't really have that much mental activity.
Speaking of bass the kind of songs I am most into are really dependant on it. The energy it gives off, making my teeth clatter and my heart bump into strong beats, gives me the best feelings ever.
They are shouting in my ears, some rappers I have no idea about name. Thanks mr Spotify for just feeding me music, I am not someone to care about the name so I don't. My friends ask me who is my favorite artist and I say no idea. I'm as free as the music flowing in my headphones. Wait, this isn't really the case, seeing that music respects the artist that composed it. I'm free like anything you will think about, with the sole condition being that IT will be actually free.
I will spend some time to talk about the IT you might think about. IT currently lives as a thought, and even though it isn't palpable in thought form, as long as it isn't some abstract concept IT will have a counterpart in the outside world. Or maybe inside world because IT depends on the person thinking about it and what they will associate IT with.
30 June 2021
I should start this by saying "Good Morning" but seeing that it is the middle of the night where I am writing this I won't say anything. This is just one long row of thoughts, no meaning required, if y'all want to read this ok if you don't I don't care.
I see a lot of furniture everywhere in this house. Beds, desks, tables and chairs, cupboards and drawers and lots more. Dunno, couches, some ugly armchairs and lots more. Thinking that I am at my last highschool year doesn't make me anxious but it does. Does because I have such a perfectionistic sense laying inside of me but also a hell of a lazy personality. I want to have flawless grades this year, no idea why, the thought of challenging myself made me do it, and I mean I really want to do it but am currently spinning between these two things, the plan to do it and the laziness to not do it. Wish me luck.
Back to furniture. I see lots of furniture. Seeing them makes me want to use them. And, so, I do it. Then my mind starts banging my head wanting a reason. Most of my actions lack reason. I start doing them only to enjoy that stuff. People want reasons for anything I do, mother asks me what the heck am I doing, why am I staying and waiting for her to exit her room when I could basically call her and ask her what I want, enter her room, but I say I didn't feel like it.
Speaking of mother, she is one hell of a woman. Too smart for me to fool, too dumb to understand some remarks I make but too smart for me to think I'm smarter than her. And you should see her brothers. One of them I don't really care about, he is smart too, but the last one is too smart. He's got a lot of knowledge about basically any subject, he is a great planner, chess player, poet and writer. His wife is really dumb but she is really lovely and wholesome.
Hehe 4th paragraph. Now that I'm writing this I wonder how much will I keep doing this. I am sure, want to defeat this, but still am fairly certain that I will get bored, abandon but come back to it.
OK, I am bored now, see ya later writing and eventual reader.
Cricket and a dead night
I smiled; my eyes
Filled with a golden glimmer of light
Swam and her cubs cuddling
With the icy water of the night
I sighed; my lungs
Smiled a golden smile
And swam across the
Cold water of the night
I stopped breathing; my nostrils
Smiled a golden sigh
And drowned in the
Ice cold water of the night