Run away from reality,
block out all the stress.
Dive into something meaningless,
to distract from the mess.
Keep your head in the game,
don't wander off.
Enjoy the distraction,
the escape from all the loss.
But remember it's not permanent,
you always have to come back.
Meet realty face to face,
Tell it, what it lacks.
Just a really quick peice. I need to force myself to write, I've been slacking lately. :)
Ode to exploring the city
The noises the city make are comparable to music
The powerful melody guides you down the streets
And you hurry after it, afraid to lose it
You rush through the crowd of people
But find that your attempts are feeble
For what you hear
Are simply everything, and everyone near
You realize that the magic of exploring the city
Is simply the freedom it provides you
You can see everything
And you can be anyone
Exploring the city is something everyone should do
To anyone who reads this!!
I need advice, and suggestions. Does this sound like an ode? Or do I have it completely wrong?
You have a stern shell
But those close to you can always tell
That you have a huge heart
Some would even call you a piece of art
Happy fathers day! I know we haven't been on the same page lately, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You took my siblings and I in. You dealt with our breakdowns and screams of pain with love and love only. Love was a foreign concept for us then, but you gained our trust and opened our hearts. You witnessed my struggles firsthand, and you guided me on how to cope with them. I know you will never cease to love me, regardless of how many times we fight, so I need you to know that it's mutual. I will love you regardless of what is thrown at us. Because dad, you are worth it. My family, is worth it.
I sabotage my own happiness
and allow myself to sink further
into the already full sea of regrets
I complain that nobody understands
when really, I speak gibberish
and expect them to dissect my meaningless words
I pray to god (that is when I believe in him of course)
and I ask him to guide me
but I don't really try to listen
I focus on the negative
and blame others
when really, it's on me
I really do try to be the best version of myself
I try to fight the depression, and the pain
but sometimes, my flaws shine through
and I become the failure I, myself, made
My phone buzzes from beside me as I relax on my unmade bed doing absolutely nothing. I sigh and pick it up. It is a text, from the one and only Brad Connet, my ex. I close my eyes, trying to pretend the sudden ache in my heart is nonexistent. But it isn't, we used to be in love, and now I can't even look him in the eyes.
Brad: Hey, can we talk? Please?
I get up off my bed and begin to pace my room.
What if I ignore him?
Would he come over?
Should I just reply that I'm busy?
Nah, he wouldn't buy it.
I let out a growl and stop pacing in front of my mirror. I examine myself. My curls are a lopsided mess, and my loungewear aren't much different. My expression tells the entire story I'm sure. My face is all scrunched up and my eyes are glassy looking, which, in regards to me doesn't mean I'm about to cry, it means I'm about to beat the shit out of someone.
So yeah, I'm pissed.
Why? Whelp, let's start with the fact that Brad cheated on me, with my fucking sister. Now let's approach the fact that Brad only touched my sister because we had just had a little fight. Ok, maybe not a little one, but still. He should not be able to decide where I apply to college right? Right! But obviously Brad disagrees. So as soon as we both begrudgingly decide to take a break, he decides to hook up with my sister. My sister! And then he has the audacity to act offended at my anger!
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I count to ten and open them, already feeling much calmer. I shuffle my way back to bed and collapse on it. I stare up at the ceiling and go over my options. I could either ignore him, or go hear him out. But listening to his excessive apologies won't change anything. The truth is, I will never be able to look at him the same, and I will never be able to completely trust him ever again. I fell in love with him because of his loyal nature, and now that I know he really isn't all that loyal, I don't know where we stand. Are we screwed as a couple? Or should we try again? Is our connection broken? Is our love broken?
Authors note: Hey, I dunno what exactly this is. I just wanted to write something, so I did. It's not even a story, it may be the beginning of a story, but I won't finish it. I really seem to struggle with following through with my writing. I have several started pieces in my drafts, but I just don't have the time to edit and revise them, so they just sit there, wasting away...
staring at the ceiling
you will your brain to shut off
your mind buzzes with never-ending energy
and you growl in frustration when you realize that it's 1am
you feel the sudden need to cry and scream all at once
you pretend to be clueless as to why sleep alludes you
but deep down you know...
P.S. It really is 1am, and I am bored so yeah. :)
the memories are toxic
they are under lock and key
but sometimes the memories manage to escape
through the eternal cracks in my heart
in those moments the pain comes crashing back
and I seem to turn into the broken girl I used to be
my mind, once peaceful, turns into a battlefield
and I drown in misery, helpless
as the memories I worked so hard to hide
destroy me from the inside