It's not just moving on that we do, It's telling our heart to stop replaying these memories like a movie
It's getting our body used to no longer feeling the warmth of your touch.
It's closing our eyes and fighting back the tears every time we see your smile because the more we allow ourselves to be weak to those times.. the more our body and mind refuses to get rid of you.
The process of moving on is a messy process that is more times done alone.
There is a bit of madness that makes itself present in the process of moving on.
The madness is in forgetting the good days, forgetting the bad days, it's getting yourself used to the touch of another person.
What we don't realize, that in the process of us moving on, a little bit of our heart dies along with all the memories ~ it sounds crazy but it is true.
-Think about what is happening; you are getting rid of the things that once meant the most to you and things that made that little heart of yours skip a few beats.
Tho, once you have fully accepted the madness and finished moving on... that is when you have the real fun.
Your body accepts the touch of another.
Your heart begins to beat with another purpose
No matter if you are moving on for yourself or moving on to be with someone else... A huge weight gets lifted and learning to love again begins.
It's okay to quit on someone.
It's okay to close that door and not even think of looking back.
Being put in that position , where you have to even "Consider" quitting on someone calls for the action itself to just happen.
If things were right , then you wouldn't be there trying to decide weather or not you should just walk out or not.
Let those words stay frozen in the air
Let those fist stay balled at your sides
Let your eyes stay closed until you are ready to walk away
They aren't worth the stress
They aren't worth all the chances that you give them especially when you give them chance after chance
Sometimes you just have to quiet , sometimes you just need to save yourself the sanity and just let it become something of the past.
How I met Him
I met him in a crowd of people, different backgrounds and different lives all gathered into a group.
There he stood with a cloud of grey and a face of disgust as all those around him chattered on.
He stood tall and slouched , his eyes weathered with that of being tired and bored.
In my eyes he was so perfect, different and just overall amazing.
A few simple words turned into a few days which lead to months
The man that stood out in the crowd no longer stood out alone for now he was mine to stand with.
One Sided Feelings
These feelings we share.
These smiles to give to the world.
Those three words we share between each other.
Every small skip that my heart made, every little ounce of feeling.
We both stood on different sides of a door.
constantly I opened the door for you but when I would knock on yours you never did the same.
Every shared secret hit against the door.
Three words never crossing over the threshold.
I wish I had Known..
You were a quiet one
Your a shy little red head with beautiful bright green eyes.
Your words were like soft butterflies going into my ears
Your life was tossed around like a bag in the wind but there was something about you that didn't sit quite right
We had been together for about two years before I popped the question
I had finally moved in with you.
One thing that I wish I didn't find was what was in the basement
You were at work and I was looking for a light-bulbs for at night.
The door was locked but I didn't stop there.
I had finally gotten into the basement and as soon as the door swung opened a wave of a tainted metal smell pushed against my face.
I moved down the stairs only to find the smell getting worse.
Without looking I grabbed the first box i could find and ran back up stairs.
A small thing about her is, she was a widow.
In the box was a bunch of labeled disc, one labeled "Day 1 Davis" i was highly curious and popped it into my computer.
Across the screen of my computer was a man tied to a wall, similar to the ones in the basement.
I wish I hadn't moved in with you, I wish i listened to my gut.
Your husband didn't die due to a heart attack.
He died at your hands and now I fear that I am next...
I wish I had known before we got married..
I loved you, I really did love you....
Its not that I wanted to kill her but I just had to, deep down inside of me there was this voice that just kept calling me names and telling me all these things that she had done. I really liked her, like really really liked her but she had to go and say all those things about me.¨ why did you have to go and say that stuff about me, why did you say it all behind my back after I trusted you with every piece and will in my body........but then you went and did it¨ .She was a nice girl, she had everything that a girl would want like a nice body and a nice family, the perfect boyfriend and the perfect everything but I couldn't just let her live any longer. It hurts me just as much as it had hurt you, well not as much because i´m not the one dismembered in box that is hidden underground with a dead animal laying on top of the grave for security purposes.When you were killed I thought about it for a bit and realized that if you buried and they brought the dogs out to come sniff for the body, they will find the location of the body so I considered every option available in keeping the body hidden. That night you invited me over to your house to spend the night, that was the night of your two year anniversary for you and your boyfriend and you chose to hang with all your friends and celebrate. I was the youngest of all the girls that were there and in my defense I was the one who had the most perfect crush on you, maybe more then the love you and your boyfriend shared. After everyone had fallen asleep I grabbed my bag and began to work. In the small compartment of my sleeping bad was a syringe with a needle attacked to the top but it was empty. After pulling the syringe from my bag I filled it with air and waited till it couldn't hold any more and walked over to where you slept, you looked so peaceful with your long blonde hair tied into a long fish tail braid with small pieces of hair sticking out of it from moving around against your pillow but you still looked beautiful. Your skin was beautifully touched by the suns graceful rays and not one tan line was present on your body and I was just go jealous of you. Your skin was soft like a newly born baby with not one flaw or imperfection, no roughness or any kind of bump present. With the needle, I moved to the base of your bed where your feet were and took a deep breathe before pushing the needle between your big toe and second toe, your body flinched but then you went back to being still and motionless then slowly I pushed on the end of the syringe and the air began moving into your body. Your body jerked a bit but then it just stopped moving because with what i have done, I have killed you with just one single action and I felt no mercy to my actions then without any hesitation I had grabbed your feet and pulled you from out of your bed making sure to keep it quiet and dragged you down stairs to the back yard. The back yard was where so many memories had been shared and created with each other as well as dreams and nightmares and I was there for all of them, which was the biggest mistake because i knew where you all buried lucky. Lucky was the worst dog in history but you still loved it no matter what. Its buried about ten feet from the house around where your mom planted all those flowers. We moved to the shed where your fathers power tools were and then that is when the real work had started. Grinding bones apart with a regular hand saw is the hardest thing in the world and there were just so much blood everywhere but the hammer that was near the door came in handy when I used it to break the bone in half. It was around two in the morning when your body had completely pulled to pieces and you turned into a lifeless pile of meat and bone parts. The shoe box full of nails was where i stuffed you and it took a bit but i finally got it. I made my way out of the shed and to the flower garden and began digging up the area around it till I found the dogs dead body and in you went, the box was pushed into the dogs stomach and then reburied the dog. Before the sun got up I ran upstairs and grabbed everything I had brought to the sleepover and ran from the house and luckily my brother was waiting outside for my pick up like we had arranged. Even tho there was a blood trail to the driveway, I still got in the van and we were gone into the wind.¨ I loved you with all my heart, you were the stars in the dark sky that guided me to help but now, you are nothing but don´t worry........ no one has to know what happened to you because I will be gone and every secret shared would lay in the air to never be told again.¨
What is it you think that I've done?
Is there something that which you know that I have done?
From what I can believe you aren't concerned with the bodies in my trunk, or the children hiding in my basement.
I definitely know you aren't speaking of the farm I have in my garage or the explosives that lay frozen in the freezer in the back yard.
What sins do you know that I have committed?
Have you been sneaking around my home at night?
Have you been watching my internet history?
Everything you believe you know, forget it because everything will disappear before midnight and not one single soul will believe a word that you will say about anything that you say to them.