All the magic has vanished

Meaning all distractions can no longer distract us

A virus driving us all inside

Forcing us to see what’s within us

I watch these talking apes running all over.

Every step has become a burden to their destination.

It’s sad because when they get there,

All they will feel is emptiness.

And maybe if they’re lucky

They will realize that the point was every step

It had nothing to do with the last one

Because when you take that last step,

Then what?

Long ago I cut myself off from the world

Yet I feel more awake than ever

I dedicate my life to the path of light, to truth, freedom, love

My grandma died

I feel nothing

I saw my dad cry for the first time ever

As they zipped up his mother’s body and carried her out of her home for the last time

I felt something then, but not much

I was busy watching

All I had was interest

I watched everyone and how they behaved

How close everyone became to one another

For awhile without even needing any booze

I felt more love than I did sadness

I guess this all happened during a strange time in my life

Everyday I feel as though I need to preserve it

I feel as though I am myself dying

My body and mind seem to be on their way out

I don’t know how to share my pain

My dad doesn’t believe my struggles

My mom thinks its because I don’t eat animals

I stopped eating them because I was sick

Still I suffer, but it’s clear now that it’s not the lack of meat that’s causing my dis-ease

My dog he couldn’t live without me

He suffers as much as I do

Why is my life so goddamn strange

I just want to leave it all, my mind included

If I must, the body can go too

I just ask for peace

This world hurts

A wounded child expected to be a brave, hard working man

A man that is expected to ‘put himself out there’

To make something of this life

To wear a suit and tie for a job interview

To grab drinks with overworked coworkers and talk about the shit show of a week we just had

To forget about the mundane struggle for two days

To indulge in food, drinks, and television

This life doesn’t make sense to me

I don’t want to be part of it

Dad, he had contracted a disease as a child due to the lack of love he received. Real down about it, he evolved into a poor me. I’ve had it. I run up to him, looked him dead in the left eye, real deep into the void of the pupil.

You’ve got to love your fucking self

You’ve got to love your fucking self!

Over and over again

It struck a chord. I felt it doing something.

Something in him changed, not in the way I had anticipated.

You’re a maniac! He says.

I was backing away, shocked at this response.

My backing up let to my pet dog.

What are you going to do to Lincoln? Stay away from him! He says with all his might.

I’m nervous as hell, so I run to my room and gather my things. I’m out the door with tears coming out of me like a storm.

My Dad and I never got along. He’s always scared me, bothered me, annoyed me, judged me, manipulated me, insulted me, but I know he’s always loved me. Still I can’t trust him, and for that I can’t trust anybody.

Coming down now

Weird trip

Absolute bliss

Held a dying plant in my hands

I was enamored by its new leaves

Had sex with god

Made a new friend

Pee’d my pants a little

Became one with a mattress

Then thoughts trickled back in

Was shown all my phony bullshit

Made a new enemy

Holding that dying plant in my hands again

These green leaves look so damn beautiful right now

Someone once told me to let it go, let it grow

Nobody told me that, but it sounded profound so I wrote it

And music tastes really good right now

I’m aware

That I am lost

That I am confused

That I am unhappy

Never amused

That I am small

That I am crazy

I have lost

My inspiration

I have seen too many things

That put me off these human beings

I want to love but only comes when I stop with all this seeking

I’m not special

And I don’t want to be

I wrestle with my ego

It takes so much out of me

Convincing me I’m evil

Are Mom and dad really proud of me?

I’m a dropout

A loner soul

Sometimes I’m not too fond of me

My health is out of whack

Everyday for years

My hope to ever feel better has washed away with my tears

That’s a lie

My pride doesn’t often let me cry

My challenges aren’t hard enough a voice repeats to me inside

Nothing interests me

Besides the pleasure from my plate

I sure forget I’m not the only one who ever makes mistakes

I’m sick of seeing differences finding others to blame

Instead I wish to Be the Oneness and know we’re all the same

I’m aware

I’m aware!

A part of me has died

But yet with open eyes

I see I’m finally alive

Shit, I’m in a body right now

What even is this?

A mystery to me but I know that it’s a gift

It takes me on adventures

has a drama if it’s own

Others call it Danny

I call it Danny’s Show

My family and friends are confused

Sorta worried too

How can I put this into words

I have no god damn clue

Dannys on the front porch he’s been staring at the trees for like twenty minutes

Would you take me seriously if i said I was lost in bliss?

Or would you rather believe that I’ve completely lost my mind

Well that’s plan, but just not exactly in the way you see it

The mind to you’s reality

To me it’s more like a prison

I know this because I see you bite your nails and shake your leg

And I can also tell because I was once in that world

And I still fall into it today

But the moment I admitted I’ve been a slave to it all along

That’s when I began creating my own song.

How do I love when I was never taught how?

To attach to people and things I was taught well.

But never was I shown how to fall in love with myself and the world around me.

To live with such wonder as if I had just been born.

To dance to the miracle of life.

To sing to my soul, to let remind myself of the harmonic nature of things, the perfect song.

My breath has shown me love

Silence showed me love.

Acid showed me love.

A handful of mushrooms showed me love.

How is it so that fungi can teach me love but a highly intelligent species can’t?

Can I love them despite their hate?

Despite their pain?

Can I accept that they don’t even recognize their own hate, their own pain?

Can I accept that they only see it in me?

That I’m to blame?

Can I break this ancestral plague and begin a new way of life?

One of pure bliss

One of peace

Of Unity

Of acceptance?

I feel it inside me

The seed can grow if I water it.

My mind is plagued.

It shows me hate.

Now I feed what heals me.

No more feeding the hate.

I know how to love.

I just have to be strong enough to express it.

To be courageous enough to smile even when everyone else is buried in sorrow.

And to pull them out when they’re ready to live.

This is my destiny.

Nobody needed to teach me love, I’ve always known it.

I am here with you, somehow.

I am here in this servo-mechanical machine, with which I can explore and play.

I rest comfortably in a soft bed with a satisfied digestive system.

But these things don’t matter to my shadow.

My shadow looks at society with disgust.

My shadow surveys the concrete and metal, listens to the roaring highways, the angry honks, the dreadful silence of the people, feels the chronic tension from the fear of what’s next, the shame of what was, and the resistance of what is.

My shadow sees this and wants no part in it.

Yet my shadow feels the guilt of not playing this terrible game Man has developed.

My shadow doesn’t like this life.

Everything has become a job.

I must heal.

I must love.

I must enjoy.

I must smile.

I must be happy.

My shadow fantasizes a lot,

Dreams about being the only person on earth.

The animals, the trees, the fruits, the waters, and my shadow.

No human to kill and destroy these things.

They don’t deserve them.

Only my shadow understands the truth.

All one big happy family.

But humans, they can get lost.

My shadow resents them for how they make him feel.

Shadow wants to be free from the human race.

Shadow hears them tell him to be happy.

Shadow is happy, just not around them.

When does this game end?

My shadow wants to go home.

Please take me home.

This is not where i belong.