I just seen an add for this writing tool called Grammarly.

It is suppost to make you not look stupid.

Thats good for my resume,

But what happens when I meet them in person for the interview?

I talk in double negatives,

Use words that don’t belong in the sentence,

Accidentally swear and stutter.

Man I'm screwed!

If I were to just randomly have a blanket and a brick on me.

In a crowded noisy room I would wrap the brick in the blanket and pretend it was a baby,

I could ask people around me to shut up or they would wake it.

If the bench at the bus stop was full, I would sit on the wrapped brick and have a padded seat for extra comfort.

I would like to find a chimney sweep and ask them to have a picnic with me on the blanket, and give them the brick to put on their keychain.

Me: “Oh, so I see you hate black coffee like I do, next time order some cream”.

Them: Oh , that makes sence.”

Me: Don’t get so drunk every night and you won’t feel so bad in the morning like I do.”

Them: “Oh, I will have to try that”.

Me: “Get a real job and not some part time bullshit like me and you won’t be so fuckin broke all the time.”

Them: ” Oh right, I never have any money”.

Me: ” Quit smoking and your chest won’t hurt so much and you’ll be able to have sex longer and not have to stop to catch your breath”.

Them: ” Oh sure, I do get winded very easily”.

Me: “Why are you listening to any of my advice anyway, I cannot solve the same problems as you”.

Them: “Oh yeah, your right, this is bullshit”.

I recorded this song a few years ago on this not so great recorder. I put it on You Tube for a laugh. Saw this challenge and thought I would participate, even though it is an older poem/song. It’s a song about my dads baitshop he used to have, we used to have all night card games quite often, but for sure always the night before the opening day of trout season which is really popular where I am from, which is western PA. Well I hope you like it anyways it’s just a little story about me and my old dog waitin for the card game. Thanks for listening, if you can make it though the whole song. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCVCVi4L5ak

Lyrics

Sittin around dads place, waiting for the card game, scraping little resin

from my pipe.

I’m kind feeling lucky, hey think that I am due, I hope that lady luck’s

with me tonight.

My dog is at my left side, bowl is in my right hand, I think that I need to

find a light.

But my light is in my other hand, think I’ll take another hit, I hope that

lady luck’s with me tonight.

Well I look out the window, and what do I see, some gorgeous girl

walking down the street. 

Think I should go talk to her, hey man she’s kinda cute, she’s the type of

chic I wanna meet.

But I just seen my dream girl, just a couple minutes ago and I think

she’s the prettiest of all.

I’d do anything to meet her, walk a hundred miles or so, I think that I

would even crawl.

Crawl on my hands and knees, give me your love well wont you please,

when I see you I just melt to the floor,

So why don’t we go hand out, hey lets go have some fun, then we can

go home and lock the door.

If life is a bunch of heart beats in a row,

A net is a bunch of holes tied together.

And if the net has to hold all the heart beats,

The heart beats have to be bigger than the holes.

If the purpose of my life is mending my net,

I hope they gave me lots of string.

If I knew when a raindrop turned back into the mud puddle,

I could name the space between a waterfall and the stream.

When I hear someone say, ” If I would have known then what I know now, blah blah blah..”

I don’t think they would have done anything different,

Because they were probly told back then and didin’t believe it.

What they should say is something like, “Man, had I not called that guy a senile old bastard I would not be living in this pig hole paying rent to a slum lord”.

See me run, see how I run, nobody ever cares how I run,

It’s alway about them blind mice, you know, the three of them.

Same goes for that dog named Spot.

And look and see me,

See me laugh and play,

It’s always about Dick and Jane.

What about me and my needs?

I’m just kidding,

I don’t really like alot of attention.

Why was there a sign hanging above the door on the inside of that old repair shop that read, “Your story has touched my heart, never before have I meet anyone with as many problems as you”. ?

I am not sure but I think it had something to do with another sign that was hanging on the other wall that had the letters ,

“YIZDERZOMNYHRZEZAZAZDANDERIZHRZEZ”

written on it.

If the world is over populated,

Hell must be running out of room,

Im gonna keep being good just in case.

But really though it is hard for me to write about overpopulation.

I don’t even know if it is spelled with one or two words.

Why do I have to be a tuff egg to crack?

Why not a difficult piece of chicken to cook, or tuff water to freeze?

I prefer to be a dam near impossible pickle to ferment.

If I am told that I look like hell it would make me feel cool,

Who else has burning hair and fire shooting out of their eyes?

And if someone says that I smell like shit than I feel quite unique,

Most other people smell like b o.