Fear

Fear

Fear

Wrench my mind from me

When did I become

A beggar

Knees bleeding

Victim mentality

Ace wrap my people please

A comfort and a danger

So close to me

What wonders within my garbage pile

What garbage piles within my wonder

A rainbow splattered across the something

A bow of rain, a pillar of cats

Cats are just overgrown

Trying to scrape the sky of cotton

Scrape it, scrape, scrape away

A tiny taste of leaf in my eye

“Ouchie?!.” was my reply

“Yes” said he, wiping his tears, tipping his hat

I have fallen from high because of a cat

“Watch my dreams of you on the ceiling”

Dalmatians dream devoid of spots

I wonder if they cough in monotone

Just like my grandfather

Or a pocket full of beanie dots

No it’s done

The elephant in the room this time

Is the weighted blanket behind my eyes

A pocket of melancholy

Has swallowed me tonight

Why do I feel the need

To apologize

A poem like this

Already exists

A rhythm about

Who controls the narrative

The hunter: a hero,

For the beast is slain

The hunter: a villain

For widowing the queen

The lion: a monster,

At least some would say

The lion: a brave father,

Protecting his family

Which is true? What is truth?

Is it ever right to kill?

Had the beast not died

I’m sure the hunter would be dinner

I have to write these words down

They’re suffocating my heart

I want to die, I want to escape

And yet the thing I want to escape

Is not worth dying for

But “how quick would it be

To walk in the ocean and drown”

Lord take these thoughts from me

Forgive me for giving them my ear

Be my refuge please

Hide me from the thief

Give me shelter in your wings

I’d understand if you told me no,

In the streets I’d rightfully sleep,

But you say “come. Come to me”.

So to you I will go.

Let me not look at the greatness of the Foe

But let me look at the sufficiency of the Lamb

Surely, You are my good, oh Lord.

Keep me from daydreaming of lesser things

Certainly of these things too dark to speak

You are my good

There is only You

You are my good

There is only You

All I am is sinful and weak

But You are my good

Your strength I shall seek

Beneath sorrows reach

I am a spherical stone

Twisting arms to fold myself in

I become as a crescent moon

Beneath sorrows reach

I believe I may be shrinking

I have nothing left in my pockets

I could have sworn they had something

Now empty and ground down like

My grandmothers right hip socket

I wish I had never spent it all

But I find myself with hands reaching deep

Into pockets with moth eaten holes

Leave it at the door please

Don’t bring those words in here

And splatter them against my walls

You’re mistaken to think they come off easy

But I find myself scrubbing them away in my freetime

They don’t seem to fade

What a collage we have created

Lately I’m convinced

I could be a different woman

If I could just make myself small enough

To fit into that couch weaving

Maybe if I suck in my breath

Long enough and at the right angle

My mind may slip in between those threads

Leave this body dead

That kind of freaks me out

These thoughts arrive in an amazon package

Same day delivery

Too heavy for what this is about

I’m an escape artist as it turns out

I’m trying not to slip away

But You have to be the One to lasso me in

I’m crying out to my Father

I hope You know

I hope You see

I hope You’re collecting these

Did you leave the 99

Are you looking for me

Where is my Keeper, did You change?

Where is my Shepherd, did You leave?

It must be my grief Lord

To think the grip of Your right hand has gone weak

Forgive me in my doubt

Help me in my unbelief

I have no other hope

What can I bring to the meridian?

My feet won’t last long in these shoes

Saw a carpet stain that looked like you

Maybe, someday -

a soft covering for my knees

So I can crawl across that line

I have a leather wallet

Engraved with strange initials

I’m sure it’s fine

My skin has a stench and I cannot hide

See me or don’t,

But I don’t want to keep score

My book bag grows heavy

Without understanding

Waiting for something to

Wring out my pores

I would float in this puddle

In a paper boat

If It meant I could see the bottom

It must exist

The gray sky up top

Tells me that gray is many

Tells me that time is plenty

Tells me that I am heavy

Where can I go with these shoes?

What can I bring to the meridian?

I must remove my jacket at least

side street

revisiting old wounds

i'm afraid there's something dead inside

open doors to air it out

raw stench

i can't hide

locked inside an 8x9 room

months behind but leaving soon

no escape for my words

no reason to believe

that putting them in order

would change anything

Help me Lord

the keys won't turn

stuck on the curb again