Her Hug

Faded memories mock as they evade my shabby snare,

randomly returning strong to catch me unaware.

Fear that I had made you up in my imagination,

gripped me with a constant inescapable sensation.

Convinced that you existed, though I didn’t see you much,

enough to make me miss you more and hunger for your touch.

Intense relief and longing drip warm salt into the night,

as I suddenly recall the way it felt to hold you tight.

I could feel your love surround me from my head down to my toes,

your cheek upon my hair and then your nose upon my nose.

Yearning overwhelms me as the memory lingers strong,

and I’m unable to control it as it carries me along.

I am again, the child within, alone, without defense,

struggling to understand what isn’t making sense.

Learning to endure the ache of feelings, unexpressed,

and to hide my lonely tears when they refused to be supressed.

Feeling like I’m up against the strength of all the earth,

without the love and guidance of the one who gave me birth.

Gone, she’s gone forever, never got to say goodbye.

This child will always wonder why her mommy had to die.