Staring at my pillow through my blurred vision and my face streaming with endless tears yet again

I think to myself “why do I love somone who just keeps hurting me”?

Why do I keep doing this over and over again? When do I draw the line?

When do I let go of the hope that twists and turns in my heart?

The hope that maybe one day things would be different

Things would be right

But they won’t, they never will

There will always be lies,

other girls,

temptation

There will be pretending, there will be manipulating

There will always be that memory of knowing I wasn’t pretty enough,

I wasn’t fun enough,

or good enough

When he says he loves me

but sneaks around when im not there

Is that love?

Does he love me when he lies?

Does he love me when he is laughing, holding hands with another?

Does he love me when he plays with my mind?

Does he love me when he rips my heart to shreds

You say you have "paid your dues" and apologized to me

Does saying "Sorry" undo what you have done?

Does saying "Sorry" make up for all the times you made me feel worthless?

Does saying "Sorry" justify your unfaithfulness?

Must I forgive you yet again and have the same thing happen again?

I may have been niave then, but I can see right through that act you put on

Stop pretending..please...let my torture end

Where you pretend to be passionately in love with me

And as soon as I look away you've got another

It's just a game to you, isnt it?

All the world is your stage

And you string on hearts like puppets

Do you really know what love is?

Do you Really know?

I dont think you understand at all

All I've ever done was love you

And all you've ever done was hurt me

You dont hurt the people you love

Isn't it amazing,

how a simple smile can communicate

love

How a tender touch can tell someone

you care

It doesn't matter if two don't speak the same language

Or if no words come can be spoken

A small gesture

cuts through all words

A grin lightens once-dull eyes

and a warm embrace makes

lengthy words you plan in your head

disappear

You don't need a thousand syllables

to tell someone you are there for them

You're just there, by their side

My hand holds a small, delicate one

A wrinkled hand that is tired, beaten, and ready to let go

Yet it still has the strength to squeeze mine back,

and communicate

love

A World Without Disease with Genetic Engineering

What if diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis and Huntington’s disease could be eradicated? A revolutionary bioengineering technique scientists have been working on over the past few years known as CRISPR Cas 9 could make this possibility a reality. CRISPR, which stands for Clustered Regularly Interspaced Short Palindromic Repeats, could very well cure some of the world’s most notorious inherited diseases, and possibly even cancer. CRISPR uses an enzyme called Cas9, a nuclease isolated from the bacteria Streptococcus pyogenes that can restore specific mutations by cutting target sequences of DNA. This bioengineering tool was first discovered when scientists noticed the bacteria that had segments of viral DNA. The enzyme Cas 9 stores pieces viral DNA as a blueprint or a copy, so that when the virus shows up again, the bacterium can recognize the invaders and instruct Cas 9 to kill the virus. Now, scientists have combined Cas 9 and guide RNA in order to target specific sequences in the human genome. One of the leading developers of the CRISPR system, Dr. Zeng Feng, claims this bioengineering tool can revert mutated disease-causing genes back to its original sequence. Acting like a pair of scissors, CRISPR can cut a particular target codon sequence that may remove inheritable diseases and/or conditions that affect not only the person being treated with CRISPR, but also their entire family line for generations to come. This scientific innovation could potentially create a world where these insufferable diseases no longer exist, and are just a part of history. However, this concept of human gene editing raises huge ethical controversy among Ethicists, which strain the progression of this new bioengineering system. Ethicists fear the uncertain effects CRISPR may have on future generations, as well as the social damage it could do if abused. This means CRISPR could be used for purposes other than medical treatment, like genetically altering babies for enhancement. However, CRISPR would be strictly regulated for medical purposes only, and used with caution. As of this month, the U.S. National Academy of Sciences say clinical trials for CRISPR may be permitted on human embryos when more research is done. The benefits may outweigh the risks though when considering all of the disease and suffering that could be eliminated for families affected. Although human gene editing does pose a potential risk if it was available to everyone, CRISPR would strictly be used as medical treatment for those who desire to free their family line from incurable genetic diseases and for patients who are on the brink of death waiting for an organ transplant. Human gene editing can improve and even save many lives.

The success CRISPR has cultivated in recent years have been astonishing safe and effective, from editing genes in plants for crop improvement to genes in live organisms. Scientists have even safely treated inherent conditions in animals, which serve as a model for human treatment of genetic disorders. Among these genetic conditions is Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, which occurs when the codon for muscle growth is missing, also known as a nonsense mutation. In other words, since the whole gene codon is missing, it can not make the protein dystrophin. Without this protein, all muscles are weak, including the heart, and the person affected experiences frequent fatigue. In recent years, scientists have cured Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy in Mice using the Cas 9 enzyme . The affected mice were induced with the growth protein dystrophin, and over time, their muscles strengthened significantly and became well developed. The success in mice safely progresses the prospect of taking the next step and starting to use CRISPR on human embryo for testing and experimentation. Some may argue that just because it was successful in mice does not mean it is safe to use on human cells. Humans are much more intricate than mice and there can be unintentional alterations of genes other than the target gene if not careful. While this is a valid point, in 2015 scientists showed the world how safe CRISPR is editing live human cells by isolating HIV infected cells from patients, and were able to cut out the virus. Furthermore, just two months ago, Chinese researchers used the new technique to edit DNA in embryos from in vitro fertilization. If it is safe to use on living human cells, why not start treating conditions like Muscular Dystrophy, Cystic Fibrosis, and the degenerative Huntington’s disease, that have no other cure or alternative treatment? Why let people continue to suffer, or have parents burdened with the fact that they have a 50% chance of giving their condition to their child? Editing the human genome not only will help the individual (the unborn child) but the rest of the family line. Since CRISPR Cas 9 system holds this incredible power to completely wipe out detrimental disease or disorders from a whole family’s DNA, future generations will be affected drastically from just a single cut. Ethicists point out this may lead people to abusing CRISPR for social means, like genetically engineering their children to be tall, athletic, and intelligent. While these concerns consider the odds of social change, CRISPR would primarily, if not only, be used for medical purposes, and not for parents to use as specific design or enhancement. Most of the people who would use CRISPR suffer from disorders that will pass down to their children, and want rid them of the genetic condition.

Ethicists also point out that discrimination against those with already existing disabilities and conditions may occur. People with disorders and/or conditions may feel unwanted and ostracized if parents are cutting out and preventing conditions of their unborn children. Ethicists claim the parents will be granted with too much power and seem to be making a statement that all disorders and disabilities are horrible and can not lead good, fulfilled lives. It is true that conditions like blindness, hard of hearing, Down Syndrome, Autism, etc. are not bad at all, and people with them enjoy wholesome, happy lives. However, not all disabilities are the same. Those with Autism or Down Syndrome live completely different lives than those living with destructive conditions like Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, or Huntington’s disease--A degenerative disease that effects of nerve cells--who must constantly rely on other people for survival. Day to day life is a struggle not having control over your own body movements, and not being able to do mundane tasks takes away the freedom every individual yearns to have. This doesn’t mean the individual can not be happy, but depending on the condition, life can be very challenging. Even if two people have the same disease, their perspectives will be different because they won’t have the same experiences. Conditions like blindness or Autism does have its hardships, but in order for the more fatal diseases like Cystic Fibrosis and Muscular Dystrophy, CRISPR must be available for those who suffer from these more detrimental conditions. Not every medical condition is bearable or has a cure/therapeutic treatment. All individuals with disabling conditions have unique experiences and endure different struggles.

Imagine you wake up, squinting up at your caretaker as she gently urges you to get up. Only you can’t exactly get up yourself. Nellie, your aid, pulls the white sheets back and scoops an arm under your legs. In response, you throw a heavy arm around her neck, and inhale deeply as Nellie transfers you to your chair. After brushing teeth, and using the bathroom, you sit at the dining table and wait for your scrambled eggs and sausage. The glorious smell is excruciating. You want to grab the pan out of Nessie’s grip and wolf down breakfast. Only you can’t. Your immobile arms and legs lie heavy at your sides as you are forced to patiently wait for Nessie to sit down and feed you. As Nessie finally stabs a small strip of scrambled egg and lifts it slowly to your mouth, you nearly rip the plastic fork from her hand. She scolds you in her usual tone, “Slow down now, you don’t want to choke!” You scoff and think to yourself I’m starved, can I just eat? All your focus is on is shoveling food in your mouth. Not only does Nessie scoop up microscopic pieces of food, it seems as though but the everyone and their mother is calling the house, prompting Nessie to put down the plate and run to answer. Staring at the now cold breakfast, You sigh as you hear Nessie argue yet again with the Pharmacy about medications not arriving on time. Although this may not happen to you, this is a normal part of life for those who have disabling conditions like Muscular Dystrophy or Cerebellar Palsy. My friend Nick, who lives with Cerebellar Palsy, experiences this all the time, if not every day.What if one day, Nick woke up and could get out of bed himself? What if Nick could do things independently, his own way? CRISPR has the opportunity to free those struggling with a debilitating condition that lacks autonomy and self sufficiency. This gene editing tool can enable people like Nick to be independent, something that healthy, able bodied people take for granted.

The CRISPR system can not only improve the lives of those with genetic diseases, but also has the ability to save thousands of lives. CRISPR can potentially save the many sick patients waiting for an organ transplant. In most organ transplants, the recipient’s immune system will reject the donor organ and start to attack it. On nearly every human cell is a surface protein referred to as the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC), which allow the immune system recognize itself and reject foreign tissues and/or organs. All human beings have a different enough MHC profile from one another that if one person’s cells is introduced in another person’s body, the recipient’s T cells will perceive them as foreign and react immediately. This immune response does not help the thousands of sick, immunocompromised people desperately waiting for a compatible donor with a matched MHC profile to get an organ. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, twenty two people die everyday waiting for an organ. Although this poses a major problem for many patients, CRISPR may be the solution. Scientists can use this bioengineering tool to create human organs in pigs that can then be transferred into patients who need an organ, without the issue of organ rejection. Within the past two years, scientists have modified over sixty genes in pigs that is an acceptable organ donor for humans by cutting out the parts the human immune system attacks. Physicians propose CRISPR can both edit the recipient’s T cells to suppress the response against donor organs, and edit the donor organ to shield it from the immune system’s programmed attack. With more research and more access to clinical testing, CRISPR could be used to help and save lives across the Country, and conquer major hurdle of tissue/organ transplantation that many doctors and scientists face today.

So far it seems as though CRISPR can help those who are already sick, whether it is because they are immunocompromised or have inherited disease from their parents. However, this bioengineering tool can help all people by fighting off one of the most notorious killers of the day, cancer. Cancer occurs when abnormal cells start growing out of control and eventually results in death. It is the second leading cause of death, killing one out of four Americans. Even those who consider themselves “healthy” and “able bodied” may get cancer sometime in the future. According to the National Cancer Institute, nearly 39.6% of men and women will be diagnosed with cancer at some point during their lifetimes. Cancer does not just affect sick people, but can affect all people, regardless of health or socioeconomic standing. Although cancer affects majority of the poor, it is still prevalent in all social classes and races across the nation. Fortunately, the Cas 9 enzyme can edit one’s immune (T ) cells in order for them to kill cancer cells more effectively. Since cancer cells actually hide from the immune system’s T cells, these T cells can be genetically modified as advanced cell hunters to kill cancer. Advancing the immune system could be a new therapy and treatment for cancer. With this potential innovation, modern cancer treatment like chemotherapy may not even be needed in the future. Cancer may even be wiped out with CRISPR editing and become a part of history.

Although there are many concerns about future society with gene editing, the powerful capability CRISPR has to wipe out genetic disorders surpasses all hypothetical concerns. Gene editing done on humans will essentially do more good than harm. The potential to rid human suffering caused by genetic conditions outweigh the social debate of how CRISPR will affect society. All innovations have and will continue to have some sort of impact of society, but this is for the health betterment of future generations. CRISPR should gain more clinical testing and research to advance this tool for the future world free of pain and suffering.

“Ella stepped out into the crisp October air, quickly passing through the vibrant scarlet and orange leaves that lined the ivory window sills and showered the sleek gray streets of Glenbrook. The murky, overcast sky illuminated the yellow and flowers down below, scattered among each lawn. Fall seemed to decorate the dark houses in the neighborhood with dark plum and cardinal trees that formed a sort of bridge down each lane. Always in a frenzied rush, the dark haired senior of Lynndale High began to run, each stride making a thump, thump on the cracked sidewalk that lead to her school. The rush of cool air to her brain and lungs felt piercing, but soon washed away as she continued to run four blocks to school. Her feet pushed off the concrete street with each stride, hair wild flying behind her as she felt all of the morning’s stress subside. It was just her and her breathing, the pounding in her head that subdued the outside noise of gardeners and construction workers on the busy streets. She came to her favorite part of her route, the forest.The silent forest was her escape, the only noise that could be heard was a pine cone falling next to her left foot. She quickly glanced at it, appreciating the flat layers that reminded her of stacked pancakes.”

"Aw, are you guys twins/sisters? You look alike"

The most common question you would ever hear in your life if you were a twin.

"Who is the evil twin and who is the good twin?"

My family would say I am, but I beg to differ. We both are evil

"Who is the girly twin?"

*sighs* really? I wore that pink shirt ONE time.

The comparison game (a.k.a. my entire life)

*Stares intently at you and your twin's face, going back and forth, back and forth*

Aha! There is a difference!

*Someone calls my twin's name*

*I still turn around*

*Someone I've never seen before starts talking tome*

*I realize it's probably my twin's friend and play it off*

"Would you marry twins? What if you had twin babies?"

Um, no lol

"What's it like being twins?"

You have your best friend with you, all the time. It is a blessing, always having a companion with you wherever you go, supporting you, crying with you, rejoicing with you. My twin is always there for me. She actually knows how to make me look presentable going out, whether it's doing my (usually knotty) hair, picking out my clothes(other than gym clothes), or cooking some bomb mac and cheese for me. Most of all, She is someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am, in every moment of everyday, whether it's a good day or a bad day. Yeah of course there are arguments at times, but its the same with any relationship..We always joke we are an old married couple. We really are, no question about it. We debate over who wears the pants of the relationship (I do :p).

It's a relationship that is so profound and special no words describe it, really. It is a bond like no other. Do I ever think about not having my twin? Yeah, but that would suck. I love my twin, not having her would crush me.

"Do you like being twins?" I wouldn't change it for the world.

Why is love like a sinking ship?

where two desperately hold on tight

in midst of chaos, confusion

flames burning, sea swallowing

But only seeing

each other's

eyes

You say you want me

but you quickly turn to other people when I'm not there

You say you need me

but you don't consider what I need

You say you have changed

but you've broken my heart too many times

You say things will be different

It doesn't feel any different, the pain lingers in my beaten and battered heart

You made the same mistake over and over, how am I supposed to trust you now?

You say you will treat me like a Queen

but you made me feel worthless, just another game to win

a game to play

I might as well be an Ice Queen, my heart is cold and numb

bitter from the icy pain

caused by you

The one that promised a pure, faithful love

but couldn’t keep that promise

You say you'll wait a lifetime for me

but I'm the one that hadn't moved on, while you did

You say I'm the only one

but that couldn't be further from the truth

flashes of other girl’s faces run through my mind

my heart breaks

how many others were there?

You take and take and still ask for more

there is no more of my heart to give you, you had it all

What is left is scars, deep and peircing

You say you love me

but now I know you never did, nor ever will

If, for one moment you felt the pain I felt

you would be shocked

shocked that someone could love that much

you would know that unlike the body, the heart does not heal quick, it may last a lifetime

You would be ashamed to even turn my way, knowing how all the things you did to me killed me internally

There is an aching cut within my soul

that screams in agony reminding me,

every moment

of every day,

that the one I thought would spend life with me...

never really loved me

the words that once made my heart swell with joy

are now tarnished and poisoned with lies

I gave you my whole heart,

I didn’t need to say it. I just did.

You, on the other hand, proclaim your “love” for me, but didn’t show it.

no

instead, you lie to “your love” and dangle her heart on a microscopic string,

not realizing she would have given Her whole life for you, her whole world.

You were

her world

you don’t hurt people you love

not over and over again

not ever

How could I have known that your words, promised with love and joy

were a scheme, a manipulation

Or that your words of trustworthiness

were really a facade, a mask, to hide the truth

You never loved me, so please, spare me the flowery phrases, the lame proclamations of love

It doesn’t mean anything unless it’s real

your words of love are just empty voids, a game plan or a script to fill your selfish desires

it seems like the whole earth silently collapses around me, realizing that after all these years, I believed a lie

Love is patient, Love is kind

love does not tolerate betrayal, unfaithfulness,

lies

love is doing everything you can to build the other person up

love is not a game,

where you get bored of one game so you throw it away and grab a new one

it is not filled with mindless chatter and empty words with no action

love is not to be taken lightly

it certainly is not forceful or

full of pain

and love is definitely not this:

When the same person that says

“I love you”

destroys you

Of all the senses, smell is not the one that is thought of as the strongest. Despite this fact, smell can conjure up a wide range of emotions and memories from the past. For instance, when I detect the faint scent of buttered popcorn, it takes me back to when I was younger and got to visit my father, who always took me and my sister to the movies. Fond memories of our brief times together pour into my mind just from that smelling popcorn. Not only food, but smells of nature and even weather changes immediately take me back to specific times and places from the past. Burying my face in a heap of flowers reminds me of the time my grandmother brought me to Coyote Hills, where a greenhouse filled with bright red roses and tulips were displayed, and butterflies circled over my head.

Smells not only bring back memories, but also stir up powerful emotions. Whenever I smell wet grass, specifically after it has rained, a victorious and triumphant feeling builds up in me, and can’t stop smiling. I remember striding to the finish line in my middle school P.E. class, scoring the best time I had ever gotten running a mile. The smell is so faint and subtle, yet the emotions and memories tied with it are overpowering and consumes all of your mind in that moment. While smell may not be the strongest senses, it stirs up very powerful emotions and memories, which are deeply tied to who I am. Smell may very well be one of the more dominant senses connected to consciousness and ultimately, identity.

With a sense so important, it may seem puzzling to ask why it is so hard to stop and smell the roses. But this chaotic life just wont let us rest. We are always being told to work work work for the future, but don't get a chance to be in the present time. We need to be reminded to take a deep breath and just be still, appreciating life for what it is right now.

You were one of the first people I ever took care of as a caregiver. I was sad to see you go home to the Lord in your mid fifties.

I will never forget you.

I loved the way you always asked for peach yogurt specifically- just like me.

I will miss brushing your teeth and making a warm cup of coffee for you every afternoon you came home from adult school.

I will never forget the time you dressed up as a baby for halloween.

I will miss all of your stories about your family back home, and your family photo albums you loved showing me.

I will miss your fun seasonal nail polish you always modeled. You were always so excited to show me what new color you had on.

I will definitely miss tucking you in bed at night, seeing the smile on your beautiful face. You loved to sleep.

I still have the crafty pineapple you made for me at school. It’s in my room, and will always remain there.

Most of all, I will miss How you made others feel. Everywhere you went, you filled the room with absolute joy, because of your love. Your love for others and your enthusiasm in the little things reminded me how precious life is. Even the way you would call my name made me feel valued and loved. I never got a chance to say goodbye to you, angel, but I know I will see you in Heaven one day.

I stepped out into the crisp October air, quickly passing through the vibrant scarlet and orange leaves that lined the ivory window sills and showered the sleek gray streets of Stockton. The murky, overcast sky illuminated the yellow flowers down below, scattered among each lawn. Fall seemed to decorate the dark houses in the neighborhood with dark plum and cardinal trees that formed a sort of bridge down each lane. Always in a mood to run, I began to jog, each stride making a thump, thump on the cracked sidewalk that lead to park I used to spend hours as a child. The rush of cool air to my brain and lungs felt piercing, but soon washed away as I continued to run four blocks to the park.

I would take my baby cousin to the playground, pushing him on the squeaky metal swings that he so diligently held on to. His almond eyes would look up at the sky and point to planes that flew overhead in the distance. "Feigi," I told him in chinese, the word for airplane. "Feigi," he would repeat, revealing his toothless smile. My troubled mind would easily be soothed as soon as I held my cousin in my arms, smelling his baby shampoo and feeling his soft tressels of fine hair.

"Gou Gou," he would point, again, this time to the dogs that would pass by.

"Yes, Gou Gou," I'd point with him, watching as his eyes scanned the dog for so long until it was far out in the distance, only a speck. Days like these where it was just me and him, gazing at the Autumn leaves tumbling to the ground, was priceless. The momentum of the swing would create a sort of melodic rhythm that put me at peace. The world seemed to go quiet, the outside noise falling away. The only thing to be heard was the soft laughter of a baby.