Acts of the Apostles 8:1-3 - Being Empowered Despite My Past Failures (Bible Journal)
"[1] Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen. A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. [2] (Some devout men came and buried Stephen with great mourning.) [3] But Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them into prison (Acts of the Apostles 8:1-3 NLT)."
I am going through a season where I am struggling with anxiety over shame for past sins and mistakes that I wish I could go back and handle differently, but I am unable to alter. Today's Scripture began with showing us a glimpse of Saul's dark feelings and actions, reflecting someone that can easily be written off as nothing more than a cruel villain. This isn't his destiny though, as later chapters reveal his encounter with the Lord, which converted Saul into a staunch Christian and ally to the Lord that we know as Paul. He couldn’t change like this on his own, but God worked through him, and Paul embraced it and allowed the Lord to empower him to do great things in the Lord's name. It is reassuring to know that if Paul could go through such a radical change even after all the wrongs he did, that I can also be changed and serve as an ally to God, regardless of my past mistakes.
Chuck Mingo's latest message ("How To Access Power" - https://www.iheart.com/podcast/270-crossroads-church-28634445/episode/s2-ep13-how-to-access-power-165384788/?cmp=android_share&sc=android_social_share&pr=false) featured some great mantras that I will be utilizing as I continue to work through internal struggles over my past failures. I loved Chuck's statement of "kicking out the trash talking voice of shame," and his reminder that "you don't have to be defined by your biggest mistake." One of the most important things Chuck helped me to remember is that I'm not alone in overcoming these feelings, as I can call on the Holy Spirit to help me work through the things I need to overcome. Constantly trying to sort through everything by my own thoughts and feelings alone is not only exhausting, but doesn't lead to complete peace in the end, as new anxieties will inevitably come into play. But trusting in God to help me through any and all of these battles, along with embracing my identity as a son that belongs to Him, will be the key that I need to use to unlock true calmness, and the path to the next step in the role God wants me to play in the growth of His Kingdom.
Lord, thank You for the gift of Your son's work on the cross, and His resurrection afterward that paid the price for all of my past, present, and future sins. Thank You for not letting that be Your only plan for my life, as there is more work that You would like to do through me. Please help me to continue to stand up to that voice of shame, and please help me to pay attention to what You truly want me to put my focus on. Please help anyone dealing with feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness, and please equip me to be part of the solution for those that are going through these kind of challenges. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.